8 Hilarious Life Hacks For Malta That Are So Shitty They Might Just Work
These past weeks have seen a rise in shitty life advice on the internet, and no we don’t mean from those self-help websites. From freezing pre-boiled water for a quick plate of pasta to using a toilet-paper-roll-selfie to look like the moon the internet is alight with bad advice… so we thought we’d create a few tips that are so bad, they might actually work.
1. Stuck at a party without music? Call up GO, Vodafone or Melita and put your phone on speaker
Hours of non-stop hold music.
2. Avoid Malta’s terrible traffic by oversleeping and leaving home late
You’re gonna arrive twenty minutes late anyway, might as well avoid getting stuck in traffic, relax in bed and beat the rush.
3. Lose weight by going to two massive family meals in one day
Leave the first one full AF, then get inspired to lose weight after facing the shame thrown your way at the second family meal for putting on weight after meal one.
4. And use mass as a workout
Get those squats in with every kneel, and put your back into standing and sitting. If you’re really dedicated remember to avoid any carbs you’re offered.
5. Avoid speaking to neighbours you don’t like talking to them about shit you overheard
Shower them with so much attention, and creepy details you’ve overheard through your shaft, the next time they see you at the grocer they’ll be the ones to duck their heads and run. You’re the nice one and you’re left alone.
6. Show your boss you’re really sick by turning up and infecting the office
He can’t think you’re just hungover if the whole staff is sniffling.
7. Prove you’re over ex by walking over and telling them so, every time you see them out
It’s Malta, you’re almost guaranteed to run into your ex at least once a week, so why not show them you’re doing so great without them, by telling them you’re great and so over it… every single time you meet.
8. Save money by living with your parents till you’re well into your late 20s and…
… oh. Well, I guess we all do this one.