Hollywood Things Maltese People Don’t Relate To
There's only so far our disbelief can suspend
There's nothing quite as relaxing as losing yourself in a great film. Whether it's a hilarious romantic comedy, heart-wrenching drama, or jump-scaring horror flick – spending around two hours being engrossed in someone else's story can be the most pleasurable thing you can possibly do.
There are times, however, when every Hollywood-film watching experience becomes tainted by a jarring moment which is so far from our Maltese reality, that we are made painfully aware of the distance between the two.
Here's a few things we can absolutely not relate to in Hollywood films.
1. Getting to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base
First of all, what the hell is a base? Secondly, if you mean how far we can get with someone we like, in our world there's only the following stages:
1. Making-out vigorously while your drunk friends look on at Havana
2. Not saying goodbye before ending a phone call
How do you even know it's the end? #ĊawĦi
3. Having to 'do laundry'
Why is it like an 'event'? Don't you just put your clothes in the laundry basket after you wear them, and the next time you see them they're folded on your bed?
4. Being asked for ID when you buy alcohol
My shopkeeper is my uncle. And anyway – ID?
5. Being able to carry the handle-less shopping bags
Without wanting to kill yourself and whoever thought this was better for the environment.
6. Sleeping on satin sheets
Without sweating your weight in perspiration.
7. Running through the airport to catch/greet someone you love
If you run through our airport you'll visit the departure lounge, arrivals terminal, and all the gates before you even lose your breath.
8. Hair drying amazingly after it gets wet in the rain
Ijweħe. Can you say riħ isfel?
9. Meeting a stranger... anywhere
You know those chance encounters you see happening all the time in films... yeah, we've not got a shot in hell of that happening.