Heatwave Lucifer has kindly reminded us all that climate change is very real – so much so that our seas have become so warm we have new kinds of fish invading the Mediterranean. Sure, we’re all going to be burnt to a crisp, but hey, in the meantime Nemo is coming to Malta! 

Worth it, right?

According to a recent study, all kinds of new fish have been spotted migrating to the warm waters of the Mediterranean in favour of the Atlantic Ocean, which is awesome for them, but also means that climate change is a lot more real than we’d like to believe. Apart from the imminent threat of an overheating world, there’s also the immediate danger of alien species invading closed ecosystems.

But enough about that ol’ science, look how cute these guys are.

1. This puffer fish is relateable on so many levels

If ever we needed a representation of how bloated we all are post-Santa Marija bingeing in marine form, it’s the blunthead puffer.  This fish (which inflates in size when provoked) is technically an Atlantic species that has begun migrating into Maltese waters.  

Are they a threat to Maltese species?  Hell yes.  
Are they basically cute fish balloons? That’s true too.  

2. Rabbitfish are a huge letdown

We bet you pictured a white rabbit with gills.  Sadly, these fish look pretty dull.  That being said, two varieties of rabbitfish are migrating into the Mediterranean all the way from the Indian Ocean and the Red Sea, kicking out native species.  

Props to you disappointingly-boring rabbitfish, you’re surprisingly nasty.  

3. Goldband goatfish are not the chicest fish around

Cool as it would be to have a fish sprout horns and ram into things like a crazed goat, we’ll give it to this fish: that gold band is on fleek.  That being said, this Indo-Pacific native seems to be roughing up local mullet colonies.

Verdict: goatfish are mean girls.  

4. Sergeant Major is fabulous AF

Again, who is coming up with these names?  Also called the píntano, this one’s probably the flashiest of the lot.  It’s usually located in Atlantic and Caribbean waters, stretching as far as the eastern border of the Americas and the western border of Africa.  

Sergeant Major, you’re probably a biological disaster to the Mediterranean, but gurl you’d look fine on Instagram.  

5. Twobar Seabreams have resting bitch face for days

Speaking of relateable, we can understand the seabream’s need for resting bitch face.  On the one-hand, you narrowly missed the fabulous award (damn Sergeant Major), and on the other everyone’s hating on you for leaving the Red Sea for the Mediterranean.  

We feel your pain, Twobar Seabream.  Rock your resting bitch face.  

5. This seabass should be an emoji

We feel that the Blue-spotted Seabass served as the inspiration for the angry-face emoji in some way, shape, or form.  When it’s not busy invading our seas from the eastern Atlantic ocean, it’s got an enraged look on its face to rival any angry Maltese driver’s.  

The millennials of the world thank you, Blue-spotted Seabass.  Our emoji keyboard would not be complete without you.  

Tag a friend who share’s your resting bitch face  

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Matthew Baldacchino

Self-titled resident SJW and expressionless in-house Head of Internal Marketing. Matt loves prepping vegan and vegetarian food, consumes way too much coffee, and has an unhealthy penchant for storyboarded Instagram Stories. When he's not trying to figure out social media policies, marketing strategies or cracking SEO conundrums, you can catch him as the host of Basically, Livestream Of Consciousness or Lovin Daily. Hit him up if you've got a story about the environment, arts and culture, health, politics and activism, or LGBTQI+ issues. He's also a doctor, but we don't talk about that.