The Maltese housewife is a dying breed. Thanks to the (great) sense of equality that has steadily been taking over all of the country’s workplaces, not many women are taking up this age-old profession anymore, but that does not make it any less important.
This creature is one of the most scary but admirable forces on the island, and here’s why.
1. They will fight you
And they will win too.
Trying to skip a housewife in a line; we dare you, we double dare you to try this one day and you will not leave the scene unscathed.
Housewives have the courage of a lion to fight for their right and they will not let anyone trample over it. And if it’s not their right to not be skipped in a queue, they’ll fight for their family. They’ll kill for their family, so watch yourself.
2. They will keep you safe
They will not let any injustices go by without having the last word, and it doesn’t matter if they aren’t the ones being treated unfairly.
They are the voice of those who are afraid to speak and will never let anything go by unmonitored.
3. They give great advice
If you need advice, you don’t need to look far — just find the closest housewife in your area and go pour your heart out to her.
Housewives are pretty much today’s oracle, and the best advice you can get comes straight from their mouths. From relationship advice to cleaning advice, the Maltese housewives know best.
4. They’re the champions of cleanliness
Above: Not a Maltese housewife
Every house in Malta that has a housewife living in it is immaculate.
The smell of sgrassatore fumes and incredible cleanliness will invade your senses as soon as you enter the housewife’s abode.
There’s no spot left unclean when it comes to this creature’s house. You can practically eat food off the floor.
5. They’re great cooks
Gordon Ramsey cannot compete with any true Maltese housewife.
She will out-cook him in seconds — the ability to magically materialise enough food to feed at least six people each day is one of the housewife’s special ability. Her powers increase whenever a feast is coming, where she’s suddenly able to feed up to 40 people.
Oh, and there. will. be. leftovers.
6. They hate disorder
There is no disorder to be found anywhere in the proximity of a housewife’s abode.
Everything will be orderly and very well kept — her memory also being her other best weapon.
The housewife will even remember what and where she stored those baby shoes 20 years ago — in the exact position, box and shaft corner.
7. They’re devoted AF
Their most honed talent though, is their extreme devotion to their families.
No matter what you do or what happens to you, she will always be there to cheer you on and support your way through life. The housewife is the best ally you can ever get in life.
No matter how well you’re fucking up your life, she will always be the beacon of love and support you always needed.