‘Once a year go some place you’ve never been before’
There are the Maltese who are fascinated by everything they see abroad. Then there are the ones who undermine everything they come across by making it sound commonplace, because they find a way to link it to its Maltese parallel. If you’re on a tight budget, here are a few popular tourist destinations you can afford to visit without actually visiting.
The largest, most popular city in the United Arab Emirates is home to over 900 high-rise buildings. What’s the big deal? Nothing we haven’t seen before. We’ve got the Portomaso Business Tower, with its twenty three floors, yacht marina and a handful of palmtrees. #citylife
‘Hawn qisna qedin il-Portomaso!’
‘Insomma…qisu Valley Road f’Jannar. Xeba ilma u riħa ta’ ħut.’
3. Ayia Napa
Plastic chairs, pubs, drunk British tourists wearing shorts and vest tops. Rings a bell?
4. The Red Light District, Amsterdam.
‘Hawn fejn ġibtni Glenn, Paċeville?’
With the increase in gentlemen’s clubs, it’s pretty accurate.
5. Hollywood walk of fame
‘M’hemmx wieħed hekk il-ground floor Baystreet?’
6. Hyde Park
‘Aħħ xi ġmiel ma! Qisu l-Buskett!’
7. Niagara Falls
‘Uwijja dan l-għaġeb kollu…naqra ikbar miċ-Chadwick Lakes‘
Plus approximately 750,000 gallons more of gushing water every second,
8. African Safari
‘Eżatt il-Montekristo Estates eh, xi tgħidli Junior?’
9. Oxford Street
‘Issa billi ġibtni hawn? Ma stajtx tmur ix-Xatt ma sħabek?’
Men just don’t get it.
Bonus: The moon
After a long ass voyage in the Apollo 11, Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. However, upon sight of the lunar craters, he couldn’t help but feel slightly let down.
‘Bis-serjetà? Stajt bqajt Malta!’
Neil Armstrong, (dude who landed on the moon, 1969)
Whether serious or sarcastic, save yourself from uttering the popular ‘eżatt bħal Malta hawn!’ and just stay put.