Random Shit Maltese People Have Taken Home With Them When Drunk

Seriously, y'all need an intervention

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In between Malta's small size and our abundance of clubs and pubs, everyone and their dog has a drunk story to share. A strangely vital part of the country's drinking tradition is taking home weird shit with you... most of which clearly doesn't belong to you. 

In a post shared on popular Facebook forum The Salott, Maltese people came together to reminisce the strangest stuff they've taken home with them after a long night of partying. The result, as expected, was hilarious (and slightly disturbing).

Needless to say (but we're going to go ahead and say it anyway), do not drink and drive, and do not steal anything which does not belong to you. Having said that, here's what some people remember from their heaviest nights out.

1. "A hedgehog"

Cutest. souvenir. ever. 

That said, you should never pick up a hedgehog and take it home, no matter how much tequila you've downed. Call Nature Trust and let them take over.

2. "A bus stop sign, pole and all"

"With my sister's help... we carried it all the way home and put it under our bed. Then we had to put it back. I have no idea what made us want a bus stop sign".

Neither do we. Neither do we.

Although, to be very honest, everyone knows one person with a drunken traffic sign story. #SlipperyWhenWet sign, anyone?

We're glad this person put it back though. You know, because it's actually illegal.

3. "A tyre"

Maybe the person thought they'd arrive home quicker with an extra wheel?

4. "Christmas lights in summer"

Ah, definitely an #OnlyInMalta possibility, what with the appearance of some Christmas shops as early as August.

5. "Strangers' clothes"

"The t-shirt ended up becoming one of my favourites," the person who offered this very interesting memory said. Happy endings exist after all.

6. "A palm tree"

How did this even pan out? 

Did they get a friend to tie the palm tree to the roof of a car and have drive them around with it?

7. "A pair of socks in my pocket. Not mine. And stinky."

Awh man, there are way more better souvenirs of a night out than that. Namely everything.

8. "My wife / husband"

You can call this one lame as much as you want to, but you have to admit it made you chuckle. 

9. A traffic cone as a hat

What is with traffic signs and drunk Maltese people?

Some not only thought this one was funny, but actually said they had done it themselves before. One person had justified it by saying they were young and stupid on one Halloween, but we'll have to wait until this weekend to see whether anyone will be "young and stupid" enough to reattempt it. 

BONUS: The Baby Jesus

In one of the weirdest Christmas traditions in recent years, the Regional Road Baby Jesus was reported stolen from the roundabout crib in 2008, 2009 and 2010.

Other cribs around the islands have also reported stolen Baby Jesus and Our Lady statues, like a Marsascala crib made of recyclable material.

Some organisers of open-air cribs have recently started making it a practice to remove the Baby Jesus for the night, so we wonder what whoever gets these late-night kleptomaniac ideas will think of next.

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What's the weirdest thing you've taken home with you after a night out? 

Let us know in the comments and tag someone who you know has an interesting story to share.

READ NEXT: 37 Ways To Say You're Drunk In Maltese

Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.