Shit Maltese People Say Every Single Christmas
New year, same everything
Trends change, people inevitably grow up, and most of the things around us are somewhat fleeting. That can't be said, however, about Christmas time, and whether it's a matter of tradition or bad habits, here are a couple of things we're willing to bet you're going to get fed up of hearing for yet another year:
1. "Min jaf l-Istrina kemm ser jiġbru dis-sena?!"
It's going to be a big number. Like, super big. Especially now that the days of wondering whether they'll even make it to a million are long behind us. And that's great - charity is the best thing ever. It would just be great if we don't have to bring it up during each and every single conversation this time of the year, and let the people who want to help to do it in peace.
2. "Rajt x'naqra borrinu bnejt?"
"No I swear, it was an actual snowman, nose and all!"
Yeah bro, sorry to have to break it to you, but a 10 centimetre ice phallus doesn't count.
3. "New year, new me!"
It seems like a lot of people still strongly believe that on one faithful night, the stroke of midnight is supposed to usher in an entirely new phase in their lives. You sit there and nod, absolutely certain they'll fail within the first five days. This is the third year running they've sworn pastizzi.
4. "Is this toy in fashion?"
There's always that one aunt who insists on asking this question. How the heck should I know? I'm also getting old you know, so thanks for reminding me of that small fact. It's probably some transforming Barbie Bob the Builder robot hybrid? I dunno.
5. "Put Christ back in Christmas!"
Yes, it's Jesus' birthday. And no, we haven't really forgotten. Honestly, we can't - not with you constantly repeating it every couple of seconds anyway.
Is it so hard to just accept my 'happy holidays' card and move on? There is only one greeting that is not acceptable this time of year, and that is further covered in our bonus section.
6. "Ħa ġġibha miegħek il-gerlfrenn?" / "Ħa ġġibu miegħek il-boyfrenn?"
Ah yes, the annual 20 (thousand) questions about your significant other or lack thereof. And while they mostly mean well, it's only a matter of time until things take a for the embarrassing, probably thanks to that one uncle who knows the exact wrong thing to say each time. You know which one.
7. "All the best, hij!"
Making extra sure to be shouted your way in the worst possible butchering of the English language. It's basically become a one word noise by now. So enjoy your holidays everyone, and qoltipest!
Bonus: Shakin' Stevens' Merry Christmas Everyone
There are hundreds of different Christmas songs, and most of them have a couple of cover versions (we're looking at you, Michael Only-Shows-Up-For-The-Holidays Bublé), and yet, for your grandma, it seems like nothing was released after the 80s, or at best, very early 90s. This one definitely takes us back to... each and every single lunch in the run up to Christmas.