In the past, we’ve covered the woes that come from stereotyping people who live in Gozo, people who live in the south, and even pepe people. But one group we haven’t covered are the Kemmunians, who over the years have suffered endless discrimination, from being left out of censuses, to people not even believing them to be real.
1. “Where do you go to the toilet?”
Usually we use the naturally-formed garigue toilet bowls, but those fruit-bowls everyone Instagrams also make very convenient holders.
2. “Ahh how lucky you live near the Blue Lagoon”
Yeah, cos that’s the only beach on Comino…
3. “Say something in Kemmunian”
How does “ż*bb f’għ*xx it-turisti?” work for you?
4. “You must be bored all the time”
Actually, watching people struggle through sunbeds is entertaining enough
5. “You must waste so much money on boat trips”
If you’re spending €15 to get a boat to an over-crowded beach, you’re the one wasting money.
6. “Do you even have WiFi there?”
Of course we… oh wait. No, we don’t.
7. “Do you even have a festa?”
As a matter of fact… we do!
8. “How’s the battle with the rats going?”
Badly. Very, very badly.
9. “Do you know everyone who lives there?”
No. We’re a small island, sure, but think about it for a second; it’s physically impossible for me to know all three people here.
10. “Don’t you miss Malta?”
Indeed, there’s nothing like the endless traffic and congestion on an island barely larger than mine to remind me why I should miss Malta.
11. “Did you meet the Count of Monte Cristo?”
Would you believe he rejected my offer to hang out on a free sunbed? And I even offered him an authentic Kemmunian jellyfish sting.
12. “What time does the next bus pass?”
Even without any buses, I’ll bet it’ll arrive more punctually than yours.
13. “What happens if someone gets sick?”
We pray to Calypso – she’s our only hope.