Stages Of Every Maltese Secret Santa Event

Oh great, I've always wanted this useless gadget I'll never use

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Secret Santa events in Malta are like infectious diseases. One you plan one and it spreads to every single sphere of life that you exist in. The office Secret Santa, the ex-school friends Secret Santa, Secret Santa tal-kuġini, the people you know who were born on a Tuesday Secret Santa. It doesn't end.

These are the stages every Maltese person goes through during their various Secret Santa sagas.

1. The dread of the invite

Every group has that one person who always suggests Secret Santa. How do we get rid of these people? #ieqfu


2. The 'I'm too broke for this shit' sentiment

I just used super-glue to fix my winter boots, I don't have €10 to spend on a novelty gift...

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3. What the fuck can I get for €10?

Nothing costs so little. Is giving one glove a thing? Hello Tal-Lira.


4. Fuck it, I'll just have to spend a bit more

So I don't look like the only cheap-ass at this event I don't care about.

50Shades Clotureclub

5. Why is everyone so thrilled to receive their lame gifts?

Especially Sarah. Who the hell gets so excited about a Christmas tree decoration?


6. How long do I have to feign interest in this useless ordeal?

I have several other places I need to pretend I'm having fun at. #xalazobbi

Boring Party

7. Here comes the not-funny-funny-sex-toy moment

Blow-up sex doll because I'm 28 and still single? #tajba

200 S

8. I can't believe someone only spent €10 on me...


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READ NEXT: THIS Is How You Do Christmas

Written By

Ann Dingli

Ann Dingli writes mostly about art and design. She enjoys friendly debates and has accepted that she's a small person.