Weekends in Gozo are always awesome, especially when it’s an epic event like carnival. Leaving weekends in Gozo – less awesome.
Here’s some of the tedious stages every group of friends has gone through while leaving their stay on the sister islands.
1. The farmhouse looks like a crack-whore’s den
Remember when we first looked around this quaint, Mediterranean haven? Yeah, now someone has taken a pee in the indoor plant and there’s vomit in the sofa cracks.
2. There’s one person everyone wants to kill
If you don’t know who it is, it’s you.
3. Nobody wants to clean up
Hence, point number one.
4. Someone has always lost their phone
And no one else gives a shit.
5. Most people are just trying to avoid the couple that broke up
Oh no, I don’t mind listening to an hour long monologue about how your relationship wasn’t going anywhere anyway. The fact that she slept with the guy in the Donald Trump mask was just the last straw? #LookAtHowManyFucksIGive #JustWantToGetHome
6. The group naturally divides into two sub-groups
The ones who are still up for more fun. The ones who want to get the fuck back home.
7. Singing in the car brings you back to life
And you remember why you’re friends with these people that you hate.
8. Until traffic hits
And you pray for divine intervention to save you from sitting in a car with these people for one more minute.
9. Someone inevitably suggests a last-minute pizza detour
Maxokk, Mekren, whichever the poison – the group is going back to get some.
10. Waiting to see if you’ll get on the boat is like life or death
And then you see your sub-group of friends who wanted to stay longer get on the boat. Before you.
11. Malta looks more beautiful than ever
As does your bedroom, as does your mum, as does a floor which isn’t coated which a sticky residue of alcohol, carnival make-up, and bodily fluids.
BONUS: WhatsApp chatting about the weekend is like reliving the joy all over again
Minus the hardships that go with leaving it.