It’s probably safe to say that although Maltese people are social media pros, we might have skipped the how-to-speak-on-the-telephone-normally in the life-curriculum.
Here’s all the things you’ll find a Maltese person is guilty of doing when on the phone.
1. Answering in complete terror
It’s a genetic thing – whenever a Maltese person answers the phone there’s always a mild inflection of terror/shock in their “Hello?!?”
2. Asking who it is like they’re a fugitive
You’ve barely said two words and a loud “Who is it?!” or “minn hemm?” has been barked down the phone.
3. Rushing like hell through the conversation
We’ve still got latent phone-bill guilt from when our parents would scream at us for dialling our home phone even one minute before six o’clock. Forgive us for this one.
4. Except when they stop to have a separate chat
Then again, if there’s a more important conversation to be had, you will be put on pause. Except you won’t actually so you’ll think you’ve lost your mind when the topic changes swiftly and completely to something completely random.
5. Or when they leave for a bit without telling you
Expect sudden periods of silence when the phone is put down for a coffee to be made, tunnel to be driven through, conversation to be had (see point 4).
6. Coming back only to say they’ve got places to be
“Ħa jkolli mmur il-quddies ta’ qalbi”… Standard.
7. And then breaking into a series of goodbye iterations that would challenge even the most comprehensive thesaurus