As the sorely-missed sight of cars stuck in a jam returns to us after the Christmas break, it can sometimes feel like you’ve forgotten exactly how to deal with the school run. Well if you follow these 10 commandments, life will be so much easier.
1. Thou shall make sure your kids have gone to the toilet before leaving
Can you imagine a situation worse than a traffic jam with two kids screaming cos they need to pee?
2. Thou shall fill up the car’s tank the night before
Don’t pretend you’re going to have time in the morning. You’re either going to be late, or there’s going to be so much traffic it’ll drain all your fuel before you’ve even left your street.
3. Thou shall not know the smell of my car’s bum
Back up a little. I don’t care if Billy is late to hand in his finger-painted masterpiece or if little Tessa’s science project is due first thing, you’re not gonna get there faster by leaving 1mm between our cars.
4. Thou shall use thine blessed indicator
There’s kids on the road man, please indicate before you turn. Yes, even at roundabouts.
5. Thou shall prepare a sick playlist the night before
We don’t wanna see anyone looking down at their phone ‘just to change the song’.
6. Thou shall make the effort to smile
Everyone is probably having the same shitty morning as you. Sure, your kids refused to wear their uniform this morning, but Martha who cut you off probably had to deal with one kid who puked on her shoes and the other who puked because they saw shoe-puke.
Try make the whole morning a little brighter by smiling.
7. Thou shall use the time spent sitting and staring to create a network of people to car pool with
Embrace the cliché phrase: you’re not in traffic, you are traffic.
8. Thou shall not park badly and block a whole road
No, we don’t really care if you need to pop in to buy a cereal bar cos your kids forgot it, or if you’re just gonna walk them to the gate and back. We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again, you don’t need to park exactly in front of your destination.
9. Thou shall use the stand-still time to connect with your kids (or yourself)
If you’re one of the parents on the school run, try take the time to speak to your kids instead of giving them the silent treatment for afore-mentioned shoe puke.
If you’re alone but stuck behind 18 4x4s filled with kids, take the time to listen to that self-help podcast and make yourself a better person.
10. Thou shall survive by creating a calendar to count down the days till the next big holiday break
Easter is just weeks away, and then summer… and then Christmas! When all else fails, fantasise about the empty roads you’ll see in a few short months.