While Maltese people are not particularly known for their queueing talents, it’s all just stereotypical fun and games until we need to go to the hospital. Then, whether we’ve got a serious emergency or whether we’re curious about that slight headache we randomly got last week (please don’t go to the hospital unless you really need to), shit starts getting very real very soon.
Here are 16 agonising stages of waiting at Mater Dei Hospital.
1. You enter the ER
Your body is in agony, you are sweating like a pig and you cannot wait to see a doctor.
2. Trying to navigate your way to the reception
The amount of people dragging themselves through the emergency room makes you feel like you are Brad Pitt in World War Z.
3. Running through how you’re going to explain what’s wrong with you
“This area hurts”?
4. Feeling like you’re not mentally and physically prepared for this
It’s at this point that tears start welling in your eyes.
5. Wondering why there are so many people
Why is half the country here?
6. You start getting cramps
Sitting down never felt this terrible.
7. You now have a migraine
And it’s all thanks to shrieking children and grumbling old people.
8. Trying not to make eye contact with anyone
Please don’t talk to me.
9. Realising that an hour has already passed
Time flies when you’re… having fun?
10. Realising how ironic it would be if you end up dying waiting at a hospital
You’re parched, wondering how long it takes for the human body to die of thirst.
11. You start getting hunger pangs
And they are not being gentle on your body.
12. You start hallucinating nurses giving you the IV drip
Wishful thinking combined with physical depravity is taking ahold of you.
13. You really need to pee
Although you didn’t have anything to drink for the last 2 hours, your bladder has somehow decided that it needs to burst now.
14. You wake up from a deep slumber only to realise that 5 minutes have passed
Why isn’t time going by in a regular pace?
15. You start fearing the revolt of the sick
People are sick and angry, you start fearing their revolt.
16. You are called in to see the doctor
Finally your journey to Mordor has come to an end! Congratulations on holding for so long.