Things 90s Maltese Kids Did That Would Be Super Weird Now
Everyone knows the 90s were a strange era, and while we may look back on it with heavy nostalgia, some things were so ‘of their time’ they would never fly in 2018.
1. Experimented with Pokémon cards
Remember when Maltese schools started banning Pokémon cards because they were satanic? Well that alone must have boosted the industry to new levels of profit because every Maltese kid told not to simply bought more and more.
Once purchased the doubles were either traded, or used in weird experiments to release the devil we were all told lived in our cards. We burnt them, cut them, boiled them and chewed them. Anything to see the black smoke that never showed up (even though that one kid swore he managed).
2. Had birthday parties at McDonald’s
As the wave of health-conscious parenting continues to sweep the island it’s hard to imagine a time where parents would just invite 20 kids to McDonald’s and give them all the fast food their heart desired.
At least they got some exercise in the massive ball pit, which (bar the nuggets) was the real reason everyone came.
3. Hunted for porn in encyclopaedias
The struggle was real, but if you knew the right searches and Encarta’d the right Renaissance artists, you were bound to find the bounty of the human body you were looking for.
4. Learnt how to type with weird games
Imagine a world where you had to make an effort to learn how to type as opposed to just knowing. Well, that spaceship stood no chance against how quickly you hit the K button.
5. Meticulously wrote down our best friends’ numbers and addresses in a tiny notebook
We probably never used them, but our parents had an address book and we’d be damned if we didn’t have the exact same thing. The biggest travesty would always be making a new friend and not having any more space for them.
6. Collected autographs
Imagine having to ask for a signature instead of just take a selfie wtf. And they wouldn’t sign memorabilia for you to keep, oh no. You had a book with nothing but celeb scribbles. It also didn’t matter who they were, Times Three’s signatures sat happily alongside Mickey Mouse and Goofy.
7. Only using the internet after 6pm cos it would cost just 5ċ
Apart from all the stress that came with dial-up (hello not being able to make phone calls) the weirdest thing was collectively waiting till 6pm so you could use the internet at the cost of just one call.
The real question is: ‘Which first? Neopets, Habbo or Runescape?’
8. Smoked candy cigarettes to be cool
In what world did this make sense? “Let’s design a sweet that looks exactly like a cigarette, so kids can keep them in their mouth and pretend they’re adults smoking. GENIUS!”
