In a country where being single equals something being wrong with you, your sense of alone-ness is never more acute than at Christmas time.
Here’s what everyone who’s ever been single at Christmas has had to experience.
1. Listening to your friends go on about what to get their significant other
“Maa but Malcolm’s really difficult ta, he really does have everything”. How sad for you, that this is your biggest problem at Christmas time.
2. Trying to get through a shitonne of gushy Christmas carols
All I want for Christmas is for everyone to shut the fuck up about it.
3. Carrying your Christmas groceries… alone
Especially bad if you belong to the physically-weaker sex. Why oh why did you agree to make the lasagne and brodu for this year’s lunch?
4. The humiliation of being the 17th wheel
Christmas reunion dinner! Yay! All your friends from school have organised the event and you think it wise to show up 15 minutes late so as to avoid the walk of entering-alone shame. Plan backfires when you realise everyone’s already sitting opposite their other half and you’re stuck facing the wall. #ThanksGuys
5. Feeling smug that you don’t have to choose between two family lunches
The eternal single-at-Christmas perk.
6. Praying that mistletoe doesn’t suddenly become a thing we do in Malta
Thankfully this thing we see people doing films where they kiss under a plant doesn’t really happen here. Just because bad breadth Brenda is the only other singleton at this party doesn’t mean I want my tongue to meet hers.
7. Feeling super liberated that you can do wtf you want
And no boyfriend, girlfriend or mother-in-law can get in the way of your freedom!