Things To Stop Telling New Mums In Malta
Breast or bottle is not your business
Everyone accepts that having a child is a true miracle of life. Women are real-life heroes for being able to grow a baby in their body and push it out of themselves. We can all agree – heroes.
But what's even more heroic is all the shit they put up with after the baby comes. Please, for the sake of new mums, stop saying and doing all of these things.
1. Breast or bottle?
Yes, sure I'd love to answer all and any questions you have about how I plan to keep my baby alive. #BackOffNow
2. Make sure you sleep when baby sleeps ta!
Thanks for that. I'll just forget everything else I need to do as a normal human being. Like, having a shower, for example.
3. Where are you sending him to school?
I literally just gave birth...
4. Maa – he looks just like his dad!
You mean the dad who didn't carry him in his womb for nine months and who didn't then push him out of his vagina that he doesn't have? Great.
5. How was the birth?
My vagina was torn apart, but it was great.
6. You had a C-section? Easy way out mela!
Yes, the months of post-op recovery have been a walk in the park.
7. When are you gonna have another one?
I'm hoping for sometime between it's-none-of-your-business and stop-talking-to-me.
8. Maa you must be so in love – was love at first sight?!
Actually I have post-natal depression and I'm seriously sleep-deprived. But thanks for adding a layer of guilt to the mix.
9. Enjoy them ta while they're new born!
Oh I will. While they wake me every three hours throughout the night.
10. Oħroġ naqra ta – you'll go crazy at home all the time!
That's not what's making me crazy...
11. Dak il-mummy jrid għax qed ifittex...
Said every Maltese nanna in the history of the world. Thank you for reminding me not to let my baby starve.
12. Do u think she's warm enough?
Do you think you can butt out?
13. Madoff għandu kollox bħal Jason tiegħi
True, the only thing I gave him was months of sustenance and passage into our world. Plus my egg. My egg was involved in the fertilisation.
14. Anything at all while the baby's falling asleep...
Are you mad?