11 Things To Stop Telling Short People In Malta
So... basically everyone on the island
Probably 80% of the population can relate to this one. Maltese people are blessed with many advantageous traits – but towering height isn't one them.
Here's all the ways we don't need reminding of that.
1. "Ara kemm hi ħelwa, kemm hi żgħira!"
(Look at how sweet and small she is)
I'm not a puppy, nor an infant, and last I checked I was still in the room so please talk to me not about me.
2. "How's the weather down there?"
Tajba. First time I've heard that one.
3. "Maaa how funny – I can use you as an armrest!"
4. "Eeeee, kemm qed inħossni twil(a)!"
(Oooooh, how tall I feel!)
Do you also feel like an asshole?
5. "Who's taller you or Sarah?! Stand back-to-back!"
I'm not sure actually, I haven't checked since morning assembly in Grade 2.
6. "Uwiva! It's okay to be short if you're a girl ta!"
Thanks for that – saved by the gender!
7. "X'int qasir man"
Thanks bro – I hadn't actually noticed that yet.
8. "How funny that [dog/shopping bag/glass of wine] is as bigger than you!"
But still not as big as the urge I have to slap you right now...
9. "Ejja ħa ngħinek..."
(Come, let me help you...)
Err, I can tie my shoe-lace despite my minuscule frame, thank you.
10. "Aħjar toqgħod wara għax int l-iżgħar"
(You'd better sit at the back because you're the smallest)
Yes, the 4 inches you have over me are really going to change the spatial dynamics of our ten minute drive.
11. "Short people at the front!"
Admit it – the real reason you want me at the front of this group photo is because I'm hot AF.
BONUS: The As-Soon-As-You-See-Me Lift
Just give me annoying baċċetti like a normal person!