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Things You Should Not Say To Maltese People Who Don’t Watch The Eurovision

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Maltese people go absolutely crazy every time the Eurovision Song Contest makes a reappearance. And this year in particular, fans of the show are especially hyped because our song actually has a chance to do quite well. Like actually this time.

And with the very catchy and honestly excellent CHAMA-CHAMELEON lighting up our airwaves for the last couple of months, those of us who aren’t as up-to-date with Eurovision knowledge often find ourselves on the receiving end of death glares from fanatics who are genuinely offended at our lack of interest.

Here are some of the things that people in Malta who don’t follow the Eurovision experience way too often. In other words, things you should definitely not tell us. pretty please?

1. “Wait… you don’t watch the Eurovision?!”

Let’s kick things off with some simple repetition of what I just told you. Yes, you heard that right.

No, sorry; an over-hyped talent show with the budget of a small island just isn’t really my thing. Contrary to what that first line might suggest, I don’t hate it, I just think it sometimes relies more on gimmicks than the music.

2. “Dis-sena ha nirbhu!”

We’re not.

Again, Chameleon is a great song, but it won’t win. Maybe it’s just my cynicism from our performances the last few years, but we rarely get into the finals, let alone do well once we’re there. But hey, there’s always hope right?

3. “Are you watching the Eurovision right now? WHAT! Why not?”

Be honest; how many times have you had this exact conversation on WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger with someone who doesn’t watch the show?

Don’t lie; we all know the feeling of being so excited that you forget that your friend has better things to do with this life. (I’m kidding internet, please don’t kill me)

4. “It wasn’t as good as 20-whatever”

Now they’ve gone on to complain about why the music this year ‘just didn’t feel like it belonged at the Eurovision, you know’.

I’m sorry, but I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.

5. “Uwejja, imma you know what happened, right?”

This one comes right after they asked what your favourite part was and you, obviously, reminded them that you haven’t seen it. From there, they will most probably go on to explain in grave detail which songs they enjoyed, who had the best outfit, or why the presenter is ‘soooo hot!’

Cue me getting ready to remind them I. Haven’t. Watched. It. like:

5. “Which songs did you like?”

I couldn’t tell you what Malta’s song last year was, let alone one from a different country.

In fact, the only reason I know this year’s song is because we actually had time to get to know the singer through X Factor and because the song is a fucking bop!

6. “You hate it too? It sucks doesn’t it?”

Calm down there buddy.

I don’t hate it, it’s just not my thing. This quote comes from people who hate everything and disagree with other people’s fun. Or people who just really dislike the Eurovision, but what’s the difference right? (Again, I’m joking).

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