Here’s To Malta’s Very Complicated Relationship With Time
Malta has a somewhat unorthodox relationship with the concept of time. They go together like mustard and Nutella: they don’t.
Here are eight reasons why Malta will never remedy its bad blood with time.
1. Overestimation is an everyday reality
That five-minute wait at the supermarket cheese counter is today’s hardest struggle and it’s pulling away from the precious time you need to spend in the wine aisle.
2. Underestimation is also a defining Maltese trait
Planning your trip to Gozo has never been more fun. That “uwijja mhux nofs siegħa kollox” you so enthusiastically announced before leaving the house didn’t account for the fact that you live at Malta’s southernmost tip and that you decided to hitch on up to the sister island in the middle of Carnival week.
3. We’re hardwired for being late
Call it being genetically fashionably late; we are instinctively able to interpret that “I’ll be in Paceville in 10 minutes” Whatsapp your best friend just sent you as “I literally just got up from a nap and still have to shower and change, so see you at Big Gs in 2 hours”.
4. The 40+ minutes rule
Any trip that takes more than forty minutes is simply a waste of our day and a quick segue into traditional road rage.
5. Malta:Gozo golden ratio
Any length of time estimated to be “too much” by Maltese standards is doubly-long by its Gozitan counterpart.
6. Buses are like cockroaches
You either don’t see a single bus when there should clearly be one or you suddenly find yourself surrounded by seven buses, most of which should have arrived 50, 30, and 15 minutes ago. The bus leaving in 20 minutes has also (in)conveniently arrived early.
7. The Missing Lecturer Law
Any lecturer that doesn’t show up within 20 minutes of the start of the lesson can consider their classroom to be empty.
8. Syncing clocks is an unattainable dream
Being on time means you’re early. Being early means you’re on time. Being late means you’re really late. You can never get it right.
BONUS: Foreigner Frenzy
Foreigners don’t get timekeeping here. If you’re moving to Malta, give it a year until you get used to it all. Until then, prepare for chaos.