Teaching your children about Santa, an all-knowing, elusive figure who wants to give you gifts but can’t if you’re naughty, may cause some deep-set trust issues in future, according to recent studies. What an interesting analysis.
Growing up we were constantly lied to by our parents, and for the most part we turned out to be perfectly functional adults. Here are nine lies that we’ve all heard at some point.
1. If you pee in a pool the water will turn purple
Or green. Or red. Either way you were, for the most part, lied to. Most pools will not change colour if you pee in them. Not that we encourage that behaviour – that’s just nasty.
Scars: A stretched out bladder from every pool-party you didn’t want to miss a second of.
2. If you eat before you swim you’ll drown
That’s right everyone – another straight up lie. According to some studies the exercise may make you sick, but it won’t cause you to cramp up and spend the rest of your days in Davy Jones’ locker.
Scars: Hours of swimming time wasted every beach day; panic attacks every time you entered the water and suddenly remember the ħobża you stuffed your face with 20 minutes earlier.
3. If you pull a funny face in the car it’ll get stuck that way
A clever trick for stopping children teasing one another, or worse rolling their eyes at you. Still the fear of having your tongue lolling out of your mouth permanently was real.
Scars: a constant fear that this might still happen, even as an adult.
4. If you eat a watermelon’s seeds, a watermelon will grow in your tummy
There was no educational value to this one, just the thrill of scaring one of feebler mind than you.
Scars: never learning how to eat your BBQ dulliegħa without picking out the majority of visible seeds
5. Playing Pokemon was playing the devil’s game
Did the fear of going to hell have to interfere with my catching ’em all too?
Scars: the constant underlying fear that tearing a Pokemon card when cleaning up old drawers will release a satanic spirit.
6. Freckles meant you had a dirty face
This one is for all my pale brothers and sisters out there. How many times did you have to endure the ‘joke’ about your face being covered in ħmieġ tad-dubbien. Eventually you start to believe it.
Scars: the OG body-image issues.
7. Watching TV from too close will make you blind
Sure, it’s not doing your eyes any favours, but telling children they’d never be able to see again because they wanted to get as close to Elmo as possible isn’t exactly great for their psyche.
Scars: Serious anxiety every time watching TV causes those dancing dark spots to appear.
8. Every time you lied, a cross would appear on your forehead
A wonderful take on the classic Pinocchio style of lie-detection (another favourite amongst Maltese parents), the irony of this statement is wasted on the young targets.
Scars: none whatsoever. Never stopped us from lying before, and it certainly won’t now!
9. If you work hard in school and graduate, you’ll get your dream job
Yeah – about that…