Loved Pokémon? Take It To The Next Level With These New Adult Toys

Ruining your childhood one handmade silicone toy at a time


Anyone growing up in the 90s and 00s will remember Pokémon's global takeover. Back in Malta, you'd be hard pressed finding a kid who didn't collect the trading cards, religiously watch the show (on Italia Uno, of course), or at least know of the pocket monsters from some satanic scaremongering at school. Now that those kids have grown up, so have the toys.

Introducing the aptly-named Pokémoan.

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Geeky Sexy Toys, an Australian company all about, well, just that, are back at it again. They've released anything from Batman-themed butt plugs to R2D2 vibrators, but this collection sees a four-piece sex toy set to hit you straight in the nostalgia... and a couple of other places too.

Featuring Squirty, Charmy, Bulby and Piky, the toys offer a punny addition to the childhood starter Pokémon we've all come to know and love... mostly priced at a poetic $69, of course. 

Every description is full of priceless innuendos or suggestive language like "a large seed tip making it a very pleasurable friend to have", or "an extremely cute yet essential addition to your team", because how else would your childhood be ruined?

If you're looking to get 'em all (which is, after all, the mantra of the Japanese anime), you can even buy all four in a set. It's going to set you back $199, which to be fair, is quite the steal compared to the individual prices.

Also, considering data shows Malta's obssessed with Googling dildos, let's not pretend these won't go down well with a lot of people.

Tag a friend who'd be into this kinky Pokémon shit.

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Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.