Whether as a patient or just a visitor, there’s nothing fun about being in hospital – apart from flipping through magazines at Tillate, which makes you feel like you’re at the airport. If only for a while.
To further enrich the hospital experience, here are a few people you’re bound to come across at any given time at Mater Dei.
1. The one who’s totally lost
No amount of signs, colour-coding and Google Maps could help this one. And once he does finally get to the person he’s visiting, he’ll be sure to let them know about every second of his ordeal – not sparing any details.
‘Illll x’mixja tad-duluri dik, Grace! Mela l-ewwel spiċċajt l-ENT, imbagħad ma nafx kif, sibt ruħi l-Papillon……….insomma, kif mort it-triple bypass?’
2. The one who’s totally lost it
This person is pissed. ‘Siegħa biex issib parking!’ ‘Ili hawn!’ ‘Diġa daħlu tlieta qabli! ‘F’għ**** il-gvern!’ ‘Issa weħel dak l-ost** vending machine!’ ‘X’riħa ta’ bleach hawn!‘
3. The doctor who is sick of everybody’s bullshit.
And rightly so.
‘Ijja ilek hawn, sinjura? Aħseb u ara jien mela ili hawn mill-4 ta’ filgħodu… tal-ġimgħa li għaddiet!’
4. The TVM fan
You’re in the waiting room/hall with whatever crap is showing on TVM jirbombja in the background. And for every finger-tapping person trying their best to ignore whatever is being shown, are five others totally engrossed in it.
‘Ara jien ukoll qadt niġi Mater Dejn bħaċ-ċuċ. Aħjar ċempilt lit-tabib fuq dan il-programm!’
5. The Papillon enthusiast
And of course, there’s the one whose highlight of the day is a trip to Papillon. Not that there’s much competition in the realm of food highlights to experience at hospital.
‘Tużżana pastizzi ras għax għandi z-zija qed tistennini fil-cardiac unit.’
6. The kind soul
This one makes up for the otherwise somewhat unpleasant experience you’ve had and the not-so-charming people you’ve encountered. The kind soul sees you in distress and offers you a coffee. You want to hug her. Instead you opt for an ‘Alla bagħtek ħi! ….X’jismek?‘ and add her to Facebook.
‘Alla bagħtek ħi! ….X’jismek?’
7. Someone who can’t figure out the parking ticket machine
It’s finally time to get the heck out of the hospital, your feet are throbbing from that mixja tad-duluri and your bladder is bursting. When lo and behold, there’s a person at the parking ticket machine in front of you who can’t figure out how it works.
‘Mhix qed taħdem dil-madonċi!’