Prayers We’ve All Said While Getting Into The Sea In Malta In November
We’ve all been that person – the one boasting to all their foreign friends about how many months of the year you’re able to swim in Malta. We’ve practically written books about how amazing the sea is before the high-tourist season sets in, and every year we look forward to that first swim as though we were sea-virgins.
And then, we actually get into the sea. Here’s a few thoughts that have been lifted to the heavens whenever any maltese person sets foot in the sea in November.
1. May my thick Mediterranean skin not let me down in front of my pale-skinned friends
Keeping a brave face as the feeling of a thousand knives stabbing your ankle sets in… not easy.
2. May my genitals remain intact and my body still able to bear children
If you’ve made it to waist deep, you might as well forgo embryo freezing.
3. May my natural thermostat return to normal after this system failure
All body parts are shutting down and you haven’t even got your boobs wet yet.
4. May my nipples resist frost bite
They’ve literally inverted into my chest.
5. May I not experience actual, real-life brain freeze
Head is in. Memory is actually gone.
6. May I be able to recover my senses.
Please don’t let this premature swimscapade destroy my ability to experience life’s joys.
7. May my stupid foreign friends stop having such a f*cking good time.
These people are f*cking crazy.
8. May my toes return to their natural colour within the next week.
Not too fussy on this one. Just thankful to have escaped hypothermia.
