1. She’d be 100% self-sufficient
There’s no wildlife about to help her make a dress or do the dishes, so she’d learn to fend for herself early on.
2. She’d represent the curvy girls
How long do you think the dancing plates from ‘Be Our Guest’ would remain full?
3. She would knock out anyone who tried to wake her from a slumber
Have you tried waking a Maltese girl during her siesta? Bad idea.
4. She’d never lose her shoe
She’s traversed the Paceville in her glass slippers, there’s no way some ballroom’s stairs are claiming her see-through stilettos.
5. She wouldn’t eat any fruit that isn’t dulliegħa
Which is a bit awkward for an evil witch to just lug around. A poisoned wudy sausage-roll on the other hand…
6. She’d never leave the sea for some random prince
Sebastian was right – anyone from an island knows it’s better down where it’s wetter.
7. She’d constantly be in dangerous situations cos she ignored everyone’s advice
Most Maltese people still live with their parents, and spend most of their day ignoring them. A spirit dragon, a genie, a fairy godmother – doesn’t matter, they won’t hear it.
8. She’d have a killer tan
Locked in a tower for years? Nothing a bit of baby oil and a lie-in by the window can’t fix.
9. She’d fight the “ever-growing urbanisation”
Coupled with her love for all the medical sciences, she’d be ready to help Japan with her sushi, bring the bird population way up, and keep fighting the good fight.