1. You unfriended them during the election period and you’re not sure whether they’ve realised
You put on the most concentrated face you can muster without looking constipated and hope for the best i.e. not being seen #Awkward AF.
2. You don’t do talking
You literally have nothing to say and you’d rather stub your toe against the door on a cold December evening than have to say or hear ‘Ġejtu Krismis shopping?‘ one more time.
3. You’re about to pee yourself
You couldn’t be arsed to go all the way to level -2 of a shopping mall to relieve your bladder earlier, but you’re now close to bursting and to your horror, a wide-eyed, smiling face is approaching you. Your mouth quickly settles into a grimace as you mentally hype yourself with a ‘Ejja ejja, mhux kemm iżżomm saqajk magħluqin!?‘
4. Every extra second spent chatting is an extra second hearing Christmas carols
You swore you couldn’t hear another f***ing bell. Until you did.
5. Qlajt darek bil-basktijiet
The last thing on your ‘Things-I-want-to-be-doing-right-now’ list is standing up idly, making small talk in the cold while carrying 15 bags and a doughnut for moral support. Here’s hoping your secret Santa this year somehow turns out to be a full body massage, even though the budget was ten euro.
6. The approaching person looks annoyingly happy
…happier than you – which, to be fair, isn’t saying much. Also, you hate people.
7. They’re pushing a pushchair and you’re not sure whether or not it is their baby because you unfollowed them on Facebook 10 months ago
Worse yet, you look at the baby and are not sure whether it’s a he or a she, nor is it a particularly cute one, so you settle for a neutral ‘God bless‘.
8. You’ve just bought the approaching person a ‘Tal-Lira’ present
You’re screwed if they spot the bag. So you do what any normal human being would in this situation and cross the road.
You swear to yourself you’ll go Christmas shopping in July next year.