Gather round kids; Christmas is officially one month away and we’re all getting excited. This year, we’re transforming into Santa’s little helpers this holiday season to make sure you don’t buy or receive any trash.
There are presents we love, others we don’t quite know how to react to, and others still which we’re forced to smile at as we hate ourselves and the persons giving them. Let’s face it; you could put in a little more effort, especially with Malta’s elevated tasted. Take notes boys and girls, and let’s do Christmas ’18 right.
OK, we agree with you; Dads are notoriously difficult to buy presents for. But don’t go down this road.
A tie can easily be considered the most impersonal, mundane, bland, flat, boring present you could get someone for Christmas.
The only consideration taken when receiving a tie is whether to throw it away outright or use it to slap the person who gave it to you.
The biggest go fuck yourself of them all.
“Oh, you like this brand? Let me just go and show you exactly how much I think you’re worth and get you a piece of paper which puts the entire responsibility of going out to get a present on your shoulders.”
Again, some people might be tough to brainstorm gifts for, but come on. Try harder, at least for Christmas.
‘Mhux we get mama a bag?!’
The go to present for any siblings when buying a present for their mother. We’ll admit that a bag can be a nice gift to receive, and some women do really love them.
But getting one year after year and leaving half your mother’s wardrobe filled with bags may not be the most worthwhile gift.
Look papa, this is what you are to me: something to hold my future money.
If you ever buy someone a wallet, you should never call yourself a creative person. You’re not; you’re an accountant. Look at yourself in the mirror and cry until you think of something better to get them.
5. Bottles of wine
“But it’s a really nice bottle…”
You feel bad because you forgot to get someone a present, so you immediately think of something that makes your alcoholic ass feel better.
Go buy them a bottle and go get yourself a few; you know you want it.
6. Socks and Underwear
The only think we’ll say about this is that if you’re a guy receiving underwear from someone, it means one of two things.
They’re either intimate enough with you to know your underwear needs changing (which is probably not a good thing), or they do not love you, which is definitely not a good thing.
7. Perfumes and soap
The “Sorry, couldn’t think of anything” of gift-giving.
What an absolute slap in the face.
It’s not like we need to make our hate of Panettone more public, but we will anyway.
The flat dry boring ‘dessert’ that the entire population consumes endlessly during this period of the year, but will of course be never seen or heard of the other 11 months.
Run sweet child, run your ass to LIDL and buy in bulk.