A Reaction To Every Potential Outcome Of The England - Malta Match Tonight

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England Malta Reactions

This evening, Malta faces England at Wembley Stadium as part of the FIFA World Cup Qualifying Round. The game kicks off at 18:00, and while the two teams have met three times before and Malta has (perhaps predictably) lost every time, history has proven that our track record is getting better. 

Taking previous face-offs with the Three Lions alone, we've gone from a 5-0 defeat in 1971 to an incredibly close 2-1 at an International Friendly in 2000. And with England's less-than stellar performances at recent World Cups and the group stage still at its very early stages, we're still on time to pull a shocker.

Air Malta Players

Photo: Paul Zammit Cutajar / Facebook

Scoring Goals:

If England scores first:

Unamused

The instinctive reaction for this is going to be bitterness and perhaps even anger. Of course this was bound to happen, people will argue, and they might even start blaming it on the lads on the ground.

But that's definitely not the way to go about things, especially considering that these eleven guys are the best we've got and are going to do everything they can to make us all proud. There's still more to play after all!

If Malta scores first:

Ezgif Com Crop 1

IS THIS REAL LIFE? THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING RIGHT?

Time for the subdued sense of patriotism and the fifth pint of Cisk to fuse into a frenzy of awesomeness.

If Malta scores an equaliser:

Another One

We're still in it. Never give up. Never surrender.

Referee action:

Red card to a Maltese player:

Excuse Me

"REFEREE MIXTRI. MIXTRI. GHALL-SAQAJH MAR DAK!"

Red card to an English player:

Ezgif Com Resize

Of course, no one's going to complain if the situation is reversed. The guy had it coming, and Malta's chances have just went up a notch.

Match closing:

Extra time and it's England 2, Malta 1 again:

Heisenberg Not Over

This can still happen. This can still happen. We can do this. We just need to do what we couldn't in 90 minutes in 2 instead. LET'S GO.

England wins:

Shrug

Ah well, what can you do? The odds were always going to be against us. And hey, we didn't lose by that much anyway! Yay?

England wins... by a landslide:

300 Die

Sure, it always sucks to concede so many goals... but no matter what happens, we're sure that the Maltese team is going to give it its all. So thanks and as always, proud of you guys.

*Replays some clips of Iceland in the Euro*

Malta wins:

We Are Unstoppable

Screw constant and alarming obesity rates, quasi-weekly political scandals, and the calculated destruction of the last remaining greenery - WE ARE THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD AND TOGETHER, CAN RULE THE UNIVERSE.

Where are you watching tonight's game? Tell us in the comments on Facebook!

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Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.

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