A Football-Hater's Guide To Surviving The Euro

Yes, it's still a thing. But don't worry, we're here to help!

Football Cover

Over the past few weeks stepping outside instantly betrays Malta's love for football; a love that rivals that of nations who are actually competing in the cup. For those of us who aren't nearly as into the game as the rest of the island is, the weeks surrounding big competitions can get pretty boring, pretty fast. 

But even if you don't love the sport, you're always gonna find yourself in a situation where you're stuck watching the match, or at the very least talking about it. So here are some handy tips to make a football-hater's football-season easier:

How Fascinating

1. Make a fantasy football team

Everything's more fun when you're in on the action! It's a bit late to join one for the Euro, but it's still relatively easy to start a simplified version with a couple of friends. Upping your personal stake in the game may give you that little push you needed to not roll your eyes every time you hear an Italian commentator get excited. 

Yaaaaas Football

2. Turn the game into an event

If you're being forced to watch the match, you might as well enjoy being present wherever you're watching. You can invite some friends over and entertain yourself by being an amazing host, or go to a bar that serves the food and drinks you like, making the evening more of an event.

Snacks Gif

3. Keep up to date with the (basic) happenings

You might not care as much as your friends, but being able to participate in conversations about "last night's game" can save you a lot of lonely lunch-breaks. A cheeky visit to LiveScore or WhoScored will give you all the basics you'll ever need at a quick glance

Nene Phone

4. Enjoy your 90 minutes of freedom

If people think you're "busy watching the game", you're likely to be left well enough alone for the two hours the match will drag on for. Use the time to reply to that email you've been meaning to get to, or to call your nanna just to see how she's doing (unless she's also watching the match, in which case disturbing her would be unwise).

Relaxing Simpsons

5. Play a secret drinking game

Sneaky booze for one it is! If all else fails and you're stuck watching the match with nowhere to run, and no one to eye-roll with: drink. Some simple rules for when to drink could be:

  • An Oscar-winning performance by a player who stubbed his toe on a blade of grass
  • A goal foiled by an offside
  • A reference to a "legendary" match you've never heard of
  • A hot spectator is caught on camera
  • Someone at your table says that "even [they] could have made that shot"
  • You get a bit excited cause you hear a pop song you know
  • Someone goes on about the amazing shot they managed... in Fifa
Wine Gif

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Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.