Stages Of Your Getting Ready For Summer Diet In Malta
We’ve been through this – dieting in Malta is practically impossible – but year on year we promise ourselves we’ll make it happen when summer starts creeping up.
Without demolishing every inch of aspiration you have for this year’s edition of your ‘summer-body-goals’ diet, here’s a few things we all know you’re going to be experiencing.
1. You realise that the weight is real
Your nanna‘s fat jokes have increased by double and your friends’ lies about the mirrors at Zara being ‘fattening’ are just becoming ridiculous.
2. So you announce your diet to your friends
Via WhatsApp with iron conviction that you’re not eating junk again until summer.
3. Someone follows your announcement with a Serkin suggestion
“Dan bis-serjeta’?”
4. You decide to ditch your unsupportive friends and work out instead
Then realise you don’t want to be alone at the weekend, exercising.
5. You settle on eating and then joining after
But your kitchen is like a shrine to carbs. #ĦobzMaltiForDays
6. You show up at Serkin and decide to have just one pastizz
You’ll have a home work-out later to burn it off!
7. You pose for a selfie and instantly regret the pastizz
Straight to your gangala.
8. You have a drink to forget your fat woes
Cue insane emotional overreaction to your friend reminding you how calorific vodka is. #Tindaħalx
9. After five shots you write off today as your ‘cheat day’
#Uwiva
10. Then you decide, WTF, I don’t need to be dieting already!
You will not succumb to body-image pressure.
11. Until you go visit your mum and she throws a grenade at your self esteem.
“Qed narak tqawwejt naqa…”
