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Shit To Stop Telling Single People In Malta

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Listen, being single isn’t a bad thing. You can focus on yourself, have complete control over your schedule and finances, and not have to deal with someone else’s problems. But most people in Malta think being single means you’re one step away from the cliff face. It’s time to buckle up and realise that your friend being single isn’t an open invitation to dissect their entire life.

1. “I don’t understand why you’re single”

Who knows? Maybe because it feels like I already dated everyone in the country?  Or maybe it’s work, uni, lack of time, mental health issues, nowhere to meet people, physical health issues, standards, or just not wanting a relationship. But by all means keep trying to figure it out.

2. “Let me introduce you to someone”

“My friend knows someone in her klikka whose new girlfriend’s friend is single too! They’re 35 years old and still live with their mother. You’ll get along great.”

3. “Don’t you get lonely?”

No, not at all. But living in a country where singleness is treated slightly worse than leprosy sure does suck.

4. “You’re just too picky”

Yes, I guess i’m not one of the lucky ones who found the love of their life on their first try in 6th form.

5. “Just be yourself… but not like that”

“If you just don’t mention you still live at home, or bring up that thing you did in Havana, and smother your personality and hide all your interests you’d have so many people wanting to date you!”

6. “Have you tried Tinder?”

Nothing like 15 unsolicited dick pics to really fill that void in your heart. Oh look, your cousin’s on here as well, that’s going to be a fun conversation to have at Christmas.

7. “I’m so jealous! I wish I was single”

I’ll let your fiancée know she can give back the ring then. Let’s be real, you don’t wish you were single, it’s summer and all the hot foreigners are here. You just wanna sleep around a bit.

8. “Don’t worry you’ll find someone someday”

Wow Nanna, thanks for the vote of confidence. All anxiety about being alone forever has now been washed away because it’s going to happen “someday”.

9. “But weren’t you going out with…”

The curse of the Maltese hive-mind means everyone knows every intimate details about your life 

Yes. We broke up. Thanks for rubbing salt in the wound

Tag a single friend in the comments below!

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