Here at Lovin Malta we’re all about the advancement of the human race. And there are few humans on Earth more dedicated to our species’ evolution than Elon Musk, inventor, engineer and CEO of SpaceX and Tesla Motors (among others).
And since Maltese passports have never been more readily available than at present, we thought we’d pick his brain to see what he’d come up with if he were Maltese.
1. Non-slip roads
Since our roads are apparently a death-trap for motorcyclists and pretty bloody dangerous for anyone driving anything that’s not a Panzer tank, Elon is working on a system where roads are more surfaces which offer some friction and traction and less mirror-like lakes of slippery murder. He’s getting inspiration from every other country in the world, where this is the norm.
2. Electoral Counting System That Works
Elon has called the United States the greatest country that has ever existed on Earth, yet they still manage to have a President-Elect who lost the popular vote by over 2 million votes. With this embarrassing fact in mind, he is hard at work to devise a better vote counting system for Malta, that doesn’t result in extra parliamentary seats being wheeled into Renzo’s cheese grater more than 3 years after the election.
3. LNG Tanker Force Field
As an innovator and inventor, Mr Musk is concerned about the safety of Marsaxlokk’s residents, what with the floating gas tanker and all. He has taken the suggestion that airspace over the tanker should be kept free to heart and is devising a force field that will repel all solid objects, such as aeroplanes, from entering an area extending 1km outwards from the tanker. The force field will also contain any explosions from within, thus silencing the doomsayers who are willing the system to fail. This repulsion system will work on energy provided by the Sicily-Malta interconnector and will be augmented by natural repulsion felt when watching Xarabank.
4. Making Sliema Habitable
Elon hopes to establish a colony on Mars by 2040, but he’s setting his sights higher for Malta. He aims to start a heroic project whereby the uglification of Sliema will be reversed by tearing down all hideous buildings which have sprouted up over the past few decades and making parking possible in the seaside town. Most experts agree that this is one of his more outlandish undertakings.
5. Mater Dei Emergency Room Time Warper
Following the Health Minister’s promise to magically decrease waiting times at Mater Dei to less than 2 hours, Elon will be patenting a Time Warp room, which will be placed at the entrance to Mater Dei and allow patients to enter a period of time stasis, so as to slow down time for them whilst hospital staff can proceed with time-wasting tasks, such as actually running a hospital.
Bonus: Musk by Elon
With a name like that, our inventor hero has to have a personalised perfume. Musk by Elon. It’s what everyone is wearing this winter.