The 8 Variations Of Maltese Heat That Plague Us Every Summer
Many people envy the endless hours of sun the Maltese enjoy on a daily basis, what they tend to forget is the intense heat the sun brings with it. But saying ‘it’s hot’ doesn’t do it justice, it’s time to focus on the different variation’s of Malta’s apocalyptic heat.
1. Windy Heat
The first taste we get of summer. The sun is shining and you feel the warmth through your windows. You step outside and are suddenly swept up in a strong wind that actually chills you. You wear a slightly thicker layer, only to begin melting in the intense heat. There is no winning with the windy heat.
2. Car Heat
Walking about you breathe in the fresh spring air. The temperature is just right and the sun is shining up above. You sit inside your car and the air itself attempts to strangle you. Your seatbelt’s buckle is on fire and the air itself may as well be smoke.
3. Office Heat
There’s always that one person who would rather watch the whole office melt to the ground than bring a thicker cardigan with them to work. Sarah, if you’re always cold, buy a blanket and stop punishing us for it.
4. Shade Heat
You know things are warming up when you escape the suns rays, and continue to bake despite scampering off to some dark shady corner. There is no escape.
5. Beach Heat
You don’t know heat till you’ve accidentally taken a nap on the beach in Malta. You started out comfortably in the shade, and now your ankle is exposed to the sunlight. As you’re shaken from your peaceful slumber by the third-degree burns on your leg, you hobble to the sea in an attempt to cool off.
6. Tent Heat
Camping is the perfect summertime activity, until the sun’s heat gets so intense that at 6:30am you wake up resenting Hansel & Gretel who only had to deal with the heat of an oven.
7. Movement Heat
Between the humidity and the stupid-high temperatures, the worst kind of heat is the one that comes around after literally any form of movement. Did you raise your arm to scratch your nose? Here’s five buckets-worth of sweat and a flushed face that you cannot shake for the rest of the day.
8. Bed Heat
The worst of all the heats. Your fan is spinning about and blowing nothing but warm air. You cannot stick your leg out of the sheets because monsters, but you also can’t stand the heat bubbling up inside. You know you’re too far gone when no matter what side you flip the pillow onto, it’s always warm.