The Best And Worst Ways Maltese Guys (Try To) Flirt In Clubs
Everyone loves a good night out. But you know what doesn’t go down too well with that tray of shots you’ve ordered? Your inherently Maltese way of trying to flirt.
With a bit of liquid courage coursing through your bloodstream, you’re almost ready to approach that girl you’ve been eyeing all night. As you decide to stumble towards her, egged on by your friends, the adrenaline hits you hard as you begin to struggle to come up with a coherent sentence. You look at her bang in the face, smile awkwardly, and scurry off back to the bar for another drink.
Here are some of the best (and worst) ways Maltese guys (try to) flirt in clubs.
1. “Aw, I know you from somewhere hux?”
This goes down two ways.
Either you know exactly from where you know her, and it’s really just a way to start a conversation, or on the other hand, you’ve never seen this girl in your life and it’s the only line you can come up with.
Fortunately Malta’s not that big; you’ll surely find somewhere in common you may have both been.
2. The friend introduction
“Bro, pleaseee just talk to her and introduce me”
Instantly after uttering this, sweat begins to pour from your forehead. Your attempt to look as natural, and nonchalant as possible, is compromised by your brain yelling “NOBODY STANDS LIKE THIS” whilst you look down and catch a glimpse of your awkward posture.
As your friend brings the girl closer and closer to you, you fight the urge to stare at them approaching, and look for anything to distract you from the now inevitable. Your mutual friend makes the introductions, while all you can hear in your brain is the screaming of a thousand lonely souls. It’s over in a flash, you forgot to say anything apart from your name, and she’s gone… forever.
3. “Can I buy you a drink?:
It’s actually, “may I..”.
You’re taking the situation into your own hands. You’re going to walk your ass up to her, look her square in the face, and ask if she would like to get a drink with you.
If she says yes, you’ve only got till the second she finishes the last drop in her glass to make an impression on her, before her girl group give her the “You’re meant to stay with us tonight” #GirlPowerEyes
4. The Grind ‘n Slide
There’s just something about this song (and those last 10 tequila shots), that’s got you grooving.
You’ve become God’s gift to the club… or so you think. It’s time to share your dancing talents. The club lets out a collective sigh as you position yourself a little too close to your female friend, forcing her to roll her eyes and push you away.
5. “I know your friend… “
Of course you know her friend.
You’ve been stalking her on every social platform for months, memorizing every aspect of her life in excruciating detail. You know her friend’s name, her cat’s name and her middle school teacher’s address. You’ve done your studying, now you’re ready for the test. Good luck.
6. “What’s your name?!”
A classic, especially when approaching foreigners.
You know you can’t stay calling them ‘you’ or ‘aw’ all night; you need some sort of familiarity.
7. “I like your (insert body/clothing part here)”
The pervert’s or charmer’s way in, depending on the choice you make.
Well, it’s technically good to compliment people… but tread carefully. This can go very wrong very fast.
8. “You’re that girl of Tinder?”
She swiped right. You know she likes you. Confidence circulating through your veins, you go up to her, knowing you’re going to get the reaction you want.
It’s only after you ask her the question that you see the blank expression, confused eyes and repelled body language that you notice you’ve made a huge mistake.
You’re not as special as you think bro.
