Forced to spend unprecedented amounts of time with people you normally wouldn’t makes Christmas a social minefield. While our families invent new ways to aggravate us every year, some constants remain shining beacons every December.
1. “All the best”
It’s obviously not the sentiment we have an issue with (who wouldn’t want the best?). But when you hear it thrown around every time you leave a room, shop, conversation or gathering, it gets a little too much.
Also, the ‘I-have-to-say-this’ tone of voice whenever its used doesn’t help its case.
2. “Christmas Father”
It’s Father Christmas, as in a proper noun (like Old Mother Hubbard not Hubbard Mother). He’s not the father of all things Christmas, he’s just a father figure from a winter wonderland.
3. “Calories don’t count on Christmas”
Tajba Karm! Never heard that one before…
But also, they do count – very much so. We all get a little fatter around the holidays, so this joke is both unfunny and unhealthy.
4. “I brought panettone for dessert”
Like watermelon in summer, panettone is not a dessert. If you’re asked to bring dessert to a Christmas dinner you’d better have something else to go along with the dry cake you’ve brought along.
5. Let’s keep Christ in Christmas
No one is asking to remove the Christian values from Christmas. But are you sure you should be preaching about how people forgot the true meaning of the festive season as you set up a bunch of pagan decorations (hello Christmas tree) and hang five capitalist-men-in-red-and-white-suits on your balcony?
6. “Let’s do secret Santa”
Here’s a fun game you should never try: add up how much you spend annually on Secret Santa gifts. The phrases “it’s just €10” loses all meaning when you have eight different groups to swap gifts with.
7. “I thought you liked [food you’ve hated for literal decades]”
Thanks for trying, I guess? Sure, I’ve hated onions since I was three years old, but I’d love to have this onion soup filled to the brim. Complaining means you get mocked for being ‘fussy’ and are almost guaranteed a rant about how complicated everyone’s dietary requirements are.
8. Happy Christmas
While Happy Christmas is used internationally, every December a silent war wages between those who insist it should be Merry Christmas. To the merry people, hearing happy makes their blood boil.
So, let’s settle this once and for all. Which is it? Vote below!