What Stranger Things Would Look Like If It Was Set In Malta
We all know it, we all love it.
Stranger Things birthed within us a newfound desire to travel back to the 80s to relive the leading kids’ misadventures, and with good reason. There’s no denying that even the most dangerous situations our characters found themselves in looked appealing – be it because of their quirky clothing, hilarious dynamic, or the over-the-top American feel to it all.
Nonetheless, we’re pretty sure that if we were to experience the happenings of Stranger Things here in Malta, quite a few things would be changed up (and not necessarily for the better).
1. The kids would instantly be taken to a priest
You just know your kids are possessed when they’re adamant about the underside of a shopping mall being home to an entire Russian military base.
2. Alexei wouldn’t become part of the team
As soon as our dysfunctional trio would catch wind of Alexei’s thick, Russian accent, chances are they’d find the closest ditch to dump his body in – however, not before telling him to ‘go back to his country’.
And you thought Hopper calling him ‘Smirnoff’ was bad.
3. Character names would be totally different
For starters, ‘Demogorgon’ would probably be one of the protagonists’ names, not a moniker given to the deadly monsters.
4. Dustin & Suzie’s relationship would be far easier
Dustin & Suzie’s long-distance relationship laid the foundations for one of the sweetest moments in TV history. Translate that to a Maltese context and at worst, one would live in Mellieħa, and the other in Marsaxlokk – just under an hour apart.
Hardly a situation to sing your heart out about.
5. A local banger would replace The NeverEnding Story theme
Move over The NeverEnding Story; the iconic Gozitan group The Tramps have got one better.
Just imagine harmonising over Inti Djamant with your one-and-only whilst Malta as you know it comes crashing down.
6. Mutant rats would be replaced by mutant pigeons
You’re five minutes into your mid-day stroll in Valletta and chances are you’ve already witnessed the entire population’s equivalent in pigeons. So if you’re a bloodthirsty monster looking to spread your mind-altering virus to the human species, there really isn’t a better vehicle than a swarm of clueless pigeons.
Although maybe some of the Sliema or St. Paul’s Bay rat gangs could help…
7. The Starcourt mall wouldn’t exist
The term ‘Shopping Mall’ was still a foreign concept In 1985 Malta. The closest thing Malta had to the Starcourt Mall back then was the weekly Monti in Valletta.
Not nearly as exciting, right?
