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What You Can Look Forward To In Malta If England Really Do Bring It Home

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Even now, as England look forward to facing off Croatia for a tight game in the semis tonight, many people are still in disbelief.

Could they actually go all the way to the final and bring it home? Could the 52 years of pain, disappointment, and heartache finally be coming to an end?

We don’t know the answer to that question, but we do know the answer to what would happen if the answer is a Yes.

Here’s what you can expect if you’re in Malta this weekend and England end up winning the 2018 World Cup.

1. Celebrations

Much like a scene out of Mad Max, most of the English-supporting population would instantly go absolutely bonkers.

Screaming and partying into the night, they’ll take over most of the island’s roads. The carcading will begin with the final whistle, but the real question is when will it stop? Thousands of fans will turn the Sliema front into a sea of white and red.

Forget sleeping if you live anywhere near a half-decent road.

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2. Disbelief

With half the population running around the streets drinking themselves into a bin, the other half will be at home crying into their carbonara, and questioning why God has forsaken them. Or they’ll pretend like they don’t care, and end up getting even more frustrated

Arguments are bound to break up, but it’s going to be hard to argue with the fact that in 2018, England brought it home.

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3. Beer Shortage

If alcohol consumption was an Olympic sport, we’d be holding records that would be impossible to break by anyone else.

Nothing screams for beer like watching a game of footy on the telly. Watching and winning the final of the World Cup screams for endless pints..

And if it’s a win that’s been coming for longer than most supporters have been alive, then you can rest assured that our sacred beer supply will run low during the aftermath.

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4. Litter

One of the saddest but most inevitable results of any huge celebration in Malta, let alone one of this scale.

Unfortunately, once the party ends, we’re not too great at cleaning up after ourselves. Respect for our roads and pavements quickly flies out of the window, after seeing Kane score a hat-trick in the final.

Let’s hope we end up being as united in celebrating as we are in cleaning our shit up behind us.

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5. Never hearing the end of it

Every conversation you will ever have with any English supporter will now only go one way.

“Yes Brenda, I know the billing expenses are important, but did you see the way Welbz headed that ball into the bottom left in the final minute?”

Literally every conversation will be manufactured to be about this win. We wish we had advice, but there’s literally nothing short of murder that will stop it.

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6. The rekindling of English pride

Most people on the island don’t really care too much about the fact that we were once a British colony. It was quite some time ago, and everyone is pretty much over it.

But that would change. Instantly.

With England winning the World Cup, a national sense of pride towards the British will be at an all time high.

Tea will gain greater importance, pictures of the Queen will hang in the living room, and stories of the gallantry, courageous English 11 led by Sir Gareth Southgate will become our new bed time stories.

And who knows; maybe we’ll also stop hating Maltese people for speaking in English. Maybe this is what it’ll take.


7. Renewed love for the sport

Football is already the most watched sport in the world. Watching England win a World Cup, do, might motivate more young Maltese athletes into picking up the sport and taking it seriously.

With many Maltese athletes already doing great in their respected sports away from the island, a victory for a team which a lot of Maltese support could really influence a lot future of a lot of up-and-comers.

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How many times have you heard ‘It’s coming home’ in the last month?

READ NEXT:7 Lessons Malta Can Learn From The World Cup That Have Nothing To Do With Football


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