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11 Illegal Things The Maltese Conveniently Forget Are Illegal

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The Maltese are a loud, boisterous, passionate bunch, so in our daily rituals of being Maltese, a few laws are bound to get broken along the way. Some of the items in this list are widely-known for their illegality, while others are a little more obscure and probably won’t ever get you into trouble. Either way, we’re probably gonna carry on doing them anyway – that’s not to say we condone you breaking the law, you little delinquent, you.

1. Underage drinking


To be fair, we’re a nation that used to put babies to sleep by giving them dummies dipped in whiskey. We start them young.

Of course, we frown upon underage drinking the moment we hit the legal age, but really, can anyone honestly say he or she never tried booze illegally? 

2. Minors in clubs


 “I’m 17, I swear.”

Again, we’re all guilty of having gone to Paceville before we hit the legal age and thinking we were so untouchably cool for it, but the surge of youngsters flooding Paceville is clearly a problem – a problem that the authorities aren’t doing enough about.

3. Parking illegally


Licensed to park. Like utter crap.

From parking on double yellow lines to stopping in the middle of the road to buy pastizzi, parking etiquette is absent in the Maltese roads. I’m convinced that the average Maltese driver thinks the phrase ‘white line’ is a reference to cocaine.

4. Feeding wild/stray animals


Put your hands where I can see them, cat lady.

It may be illegal to feed animals outside, but clearly the Valletta pigeons didn’t get the message.

5. Keeping your car filthy


It’s a legit law that your car needs to be kept relatively clean, but if the local police force has ever taken action against someone for having a dirty car, I would genuinely love to hear about it.

6. Washing your car in the street


Your car can’t be dirty, but you can’t clean it outside either.

The laws dictate that throwing water in the street is a safety risk, so you’d better take your sorry vehicle to the car wash if you want to be a law abiding citizen. If you don’t? Just keep doing what you’re doing. No one really cares.

7. Selling your car


Beware, Maltapark users.

Used cars can only be sold legally through licensed dealers, but don’t slam the brakes on selling your ‘Fiat Punto 1997 very good condition parts easily available’. 

8. Camping without permission


Ah, the smell of nature and moral bankruptcy

Do you feel that stinging sensation? That’s not a mosquito biting you as you sleep in your tent. That’s your conscience nagging you for breaking the law.

9. Having Barbeques on the beach without permission


Ah, the smell of cooking meats and even further moral bankruptcy.

While authorities do seem to have been taking stricter action to prevent illegal BBQs in recent years, you’re still highly likely to find a few of these at your favourite beach this summer. Unlawful burgers just taste better.

10. Not picking up your dog’s poop


No justifying this one.

There’s something about this that seems more reprehensible than any of the other laws in this article, even if it’s not the most dangerous. If you don’t pick up what comes out of your dog’s asshole, you are an asshole. Period.

11. Using your phone while driving


I know what you’re thinking, and yes – there has been an overabundance of The Simpson’s gifs in this article.

Of course, this article had to end on a Maltese classic. What the law doesn’t understand, though, is that this so-called crime attacks Maltese culture, which obliges you to communicate with your mother, father, grandmother, and great-aunt at all times during the day. To make using our phones illegal is to make being Maltese illegal.

We all know someone who breaks one these laws constantly. Tag them on Facebook and let them know you’re onto them!

READ NEXT: Things That Would Happen If Malta Had ‘The Purge’

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