7 Times MaltaPark needed a 'Xiz-Żikk' Button

When WTF just doesn't cut it.


1. Bear

Bear 2

Perfecting the art of minimalism in its description, ‘bear’ raises so many questions, and answers absolutely none of them. All this, plus the restless spirit undoubtedly trapped within, could be yours for just €5!

2. Return to Sender


One for the money, two for the show; three to make ready and four is probably best left for therapy.

3. Merci, Thank you, u Brazzi

Brazzi 2

For just €1,500 you too can have your very own ‘what in the actual living fuck is that’. Imagine the the concept-development meetings for a wall mounted, porcelain baby; aggressively brandishing two fake candles as a form of avant-garde room illumination.

4. Xeba Suf

Faux Fur

Perhaps it’s not quite my spider-senses, but something here is definitely tingling. We've all seen Star Wars; “These aren't the Droids you’re looking for” will not work. That €25 price tag better include a police investigation into the legitimacy of those parentheses.

5. Monster Mouse

Topoletto 2

The perfect costume for Carnival, and again on Halloween. If we paint two ears above our door, do you think ‘Topoletto & Topoletta’ will spare our family?

6. Mammals of questionable legality

Baby Coti Mundies

Described as "mature" and "ready for breeding", these Mexican raccoons must really be loved by their owner, because buying them will set you back a whopping €100,100. At least we know they lived up to the 'breeding' portion of their description, with the seller 6 baby versions of these cuties at the much more affordable rate of €1. 

7. 30 bokkla


Don't you hate it when you're trying on an outfit and everything comes together perfectly except your belt buckle simply doesn't work? It's moments like these that you wish you owned a large number of said buckles to choose from, say 29 or maybe even 30? If your outfit is still missing that wow factor fret not - the same seller has also listed 500 buttons for €9. What a steal!

Bonus: Saqqijiet ta Valentina Rossi


Yes, that is the Valentina Rossi, parking extraordinaire.

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Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.