14 Things You'll Only Know If You Went To A Maltese All-Boys School
All the testosterone-fuelled nostalgia
It's been a long time since we left secondary school, and lots of things have changed since then. We can now speak to girls without panicking (sort of), and we've gone from showing off how much hair we have on our genitals, to how much hair we have left on our head. But there are some moments that will always remain etched into our minds.
1. Sitting at the back of the bus was a big deal
Getting a place in the back seat was pivotal to your importance in the pecking order for the day.
2. Eternal vigilance was the order of the day
Let’s face it, we constantly had our eyes peeled for fear of being on the receiving end of a wedgie, twisted nipple or a wet willy at any given moment.
3. No snitching was allowed
No matter what abuse you received, the only acceptable response was retaliation! Telling on the aggressor was extremely frowned upon.
4. Any dispute could be settled with a fight
Be it an exercise of alpha-male dominance, an MSN argument spilling over into reality or a claim over a girl (who probably didn't want either of them) the only way to unleash the testosterone was to settle it with a fight.
5. You never called friends by their first name
Particularly when you had six Marks, four Andrews, three Johns, too many Mikes and a Michael in every year.
6. You didn’t groom yourself until the weekend
Hey, why make the effort if there's no one to impress?
7. You grew up thinking girls were the enemy
When in reality you just couldn’t understand them
8. You always longed for the weekend
Because even though you 'hated' girls, you also hated that your week was one long sausage fest.
9. Getting a boner was always awkward
Like, dude - what were you even thinking about?
10. You reached out to friends from San Anton for tips on picking up girls
Because even though they'd try to show off, no one in your school really knew anything about how to flirt.
11. Comparing penis size was standard practice
And of course everyone added a couple of inches.
12. Friends from mixed schools always suspected you were secretly gay
They just couldn’t get their head around the concept of not having girls about - like we had a choice!
13. You could never quite understand jokes about a girl’s cycle
What even is a period? I’ll just laugh awkwardly anyway, and pretend I get the joke.
14. Your skill in sports defined your place in the school
That, or if exercise wasn't your thing you could quickly climb the ranks by showing how often you could get into trouble.
Bonus: The first day of Sixth Form was super awkward
Why is there a girl sitting next to me? Quick, better panic and brainstorm a casual-sounding greeting to avoid coming off as rude, but also not look desperate.