It’s summer, it’s bloody hot, everyone’s AC is on, and the massive gas tanker that will provide us with everlasting cheap and clean energy is moored somewhere in South East Asia. This particular combination can only mean one thing: power cut!
Here are some things that always happen when the electricity goes out in Malta:
1. You feel like you’re in the fifth circle of hell
Heat… everywhere. Sweltering, dripping, humid heat. No electricity means no air conditioning and no fans. Everyone at home or in the office is hot. Everyone is unhappy. This hell will never end.
2. You can’t hear shit
Everyone will fire up their generator, resulting in a roaring cacophony of sputtering, whirring internal combustion engines pumping out those sweet electrons that keep the fridges going. That cold Kinnie you need to combat the summer furnace won’t cool itself, you know.
House alarms will wail, and dogs always know when there’s no power. No TV means no background noise, so our furry buddies can chat with each other over longer distances.
What’s that, Rex? Hark! Let me sing you the song of my people.
3. You get screamed at for opening the fridge/freezer
Seriously, what is with everyone’s insane panic every time the fridge is opened to grab the milk? Sure, with no electricity leaving the door open as you plan the week’s meals could be disastrous, but I’m sure those two seconds won’t curdle your cheesecake, Sarah!
4. You’re bored off your face
That is until you realise that you last charged your phone two hours ago, and you’re down to 3% battery which only gives you time to type out one last…nope. It’s gone – no phone either.
5. Everyone else is bored too
“There’s literally nothing to do inside, so let’s take the dog out for a walk.” Sounds fun, until you realise everyone’s had the same idea and Malta looks like the set of The Walking Dead.
Hundreds of people tramp listlessly along the pavements of the island, desperately seeking entertainment. Just be careful as you walk, because everyone is out in their car too. It’s the only place you can use the AC and charge your phone.
6. You worry you may starve
When you set up your fancy kitchen, you probably thought it’d be really cool to go all pro-chef and get an induction hob. Well, here’s a newsflash for you, Martha Stewart. Induction hobs need electricity to work.
Oh well, m’hemmx x’tagħmel, I’ll have a piece of toast instead. Pop the bread in toaster, push down lever and…you know where I’m going with this. The disappointment is always way too real.
7. Someone will bring up politics
There’s no electricity. It’s obviously all Mintoff/KMB/Eddie/Gonzi/Joseph’s fault. Yep, times may change but our propensity to roar “F’ghoxx il-Gvern” every power cut remains. We can only hope that our leaders are swearing in the sweltering heat too.
8. You die a bit inside when you hear your electronics rumble back to life
You know that humming sound that means everything’s back to the way it’s supposed to be, and reminds you “hey, life isn’t over – here have some forgotten toast, friend!”