‘I Didn’t Realise I Was A Victim Of Domestic Violence Until I Left’: Maltese Woman Recalls Survivor Journey
International Women’s Day is an opportunity to champion women in the world and the progress made in the name of emancipation. It’s also a chance to see how far we still have to go, and give a platform to survivors of violence against women.
One survivor has bravely opened up at FIDEM’s women’s day conference to speak intimately about her journey to leaving her abusive situation, and how the organisation helped her get back on her feet.
“I never realised I was a victim of domestic violence. I walked out of my house at the age of 33 and walked straight into a lawyer’s office. I only had the lawyer’s fee in my possession, nothing else,” she explained to journalist Claudia Calleja at the conference, which focused on empowering women through education and structural support.
Tackling the common question of why domestic abuse survivors stay, she noted that a number of factors: social shame, manipulation and the risk of dangerous situations due to court delays.
“Why did you stay? I was so brainwashed, he made me believe I deserved it, that it was my fault.
Sometimes court cases were dropped because I had to wait for over a year for the case to be heard while I still lived with him and risked being abused further until I dropped the charges,” the survivor said.
“If you are being abused, do not be afraid, no one will make you feel ashamed for speaking up and taking action to stop the abuse.”
The road out of her situation was not cut and dry – but she focused on herself and honed her own independence with the few tools she had.
“I used to hide every penny I could save from my work in the hotel industry until I took advantage of special training courses offered by the Tourism Ministry during the pandemic to improve my employability.”
“I applied from a broken mobile phone. I had no laptop, I was undergoing therapy and still living with him. I started the course but I didn’t have the basic necessary tools to study and would borrow a laptop from a friend. I asked FIDEM for help.”
FIDEM is a Maltese non-profit organisation providing support and empowerment to vulnerable people through education and wellbeing guidance.
Still, her abuser still tried to sabotage her efforts.
“He would do everything – shouting in the middle of a graded live presentation – anything to sabotage and distract me from doing what I should be doing. I would be juggling assignments and presentations with helping my autistic son with his homework and cooking dinner. Hard work pays off,” she said.
“Why should anyone leave? You leave for the children. You don’t stay for the children. You don’t want to go through this. If they’ve seen it happen, end it. You leave in order to close that chapter. You leave to flourish. You leave to give yourself a better chance at life than you deserve. You leave to give yourself a chance at love but the first love you should be looking for is love for yourself.
“You leave so that those who love you don’t have to deal with your picture on the headlines of a newspaper saying murder.”
Domestic violence is a sore topic in Malta, with the latest figures revealing that at least three reports are filed every day.
In 2022, around 1,092 reports were submitted. While the rising number of reports might indicate that people feel more empowered to speak out, this figure echoes the desolation victims of domestic abuse face, with many remaining silent or falling through the system.
It comes as no surprise when 96% of domestic violence court cases in Malta fail to result in a conviction, with the vast majority of proceedings “exhausted”.
Malta needs to do better. On International Women’s Day, here are seven points we need to focus on if we actually want to step up for women.
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