“Because people don’t speak about it,” she said.

“We fell pregnant fairly quickly, which I can understand is very lucky, cause I know women who weren’t so lucky, so I really appreciated that and I was genuinely over the moon. I can’t even tell you how happy we were,” she recounted.

She also spoke of how Maxine and her partner decided to abstain from telling people about the pregnancy until the 12-week mark, which is said to be the “safe zone” for pregnancies.

“We did say we’re going to keep it for ourselves, so we decided to not tell everyone about the news. We told our family and some friends. and at the 8-week scan, we went to the gynae, and I saw this tiny thing, and I saw a heartbeat,” she said.

“I was already so overwhelmed, even just throughout the day. Looking back, I think, was this some sort of instinctual feeling that I knew something was wrong? I was a wreck, hysterical, anxiety and panic, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t focus on anything,” she said, on the day that she had gone to the first scan.

“And I think about it now – did I know? Did I know that something was wrong? I don’t know, maybe I did,” she said.

The woman who was performing the ultrasound let Attard know that she had a blood clot on the lining of the uterus, which is supposedly a common occurrence. The gynaecologist also confirmed and reassured her that this was common and not a cause for alarm, and she put her on progesterone pills to “protect the pregnancy”.

“I did everything by the book,” she said.

For her 12-week scan, she also experienced the same rush of anxiety as the previous scan, but she spoke of taking control of her anxiety.

“As soon as the picture of the baby came up – I knew something was wrong, and I said nothing,” she said.

“I froze – and I was preparing myself to hear the dreaded words. I knew, because this baby didn’t grow, it was the same size as it was in the 8-week scan,” she said with tears in her eyes. 

“And I was just lying on this bed thinking, oh my god, and the doctor performing the scan had a few deep sighs, cause gosh, can you imagine having to break that news?”

“‘Something’s gone wrong,’ the sonographer said. I said, it hasn’t grown has it?” and he said, “No, and there’s no heartbeat.”‘ 

“I can’t even remember what happened next I think – it’s like time froze,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“There was this period of time when nothing had registered – it was like slow-motion, that’s how I remember it,” she said.

“I wailed – I couldn’t even think about who was hearing me in the waiting room,” she said while recounting that she had to go back to waiting in a room full of pregnant women.

“Sadly there aren’t many answers in this situation. My gynaecologist was very sorry and sad as well. She explained that it was most likely the baby, using the words ‘non-viable’ which I hate, cause I think viable shouldn’t be a word used to refer to babies,” she said.

“I think it meant that there was something wrong with the baby – in plain and simple terms,” she said.

“I had all the symptoms of pregnancy, I was growing, my breasts were hurting me, I was very tired, couldn’t really eat much. So I was quite convinced that nothing was wrong,” she said. 

“That’s the term, missed-miscarriage when your body misses it and does not realise that the baby has died,” she said, explaining how she had to continue carrying the fetus until the body goes into a naturally-induced miscarriage.

Five days later she went into the hospital because she started to miscarry, and Attard described this as absolutely agonising.

Attard also spoke of how common miscarriages are, and how much it is truly needed to speak up about them so that people do not feel alienated when this actually happens. 

They went on to discuss how important it is to be as open as possible when it comes to these sensitive topics, especially coming from doctors themselves to help their patients feel understood.

If you have a similar experience that you would like to speak about, don’t hesitate to get in contact with Sasha at [email protected]

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