The holidays are a time for happiness and celebration. There’s tons of food, (hopefully) tons of gifts, and generally a lot of love and joy in the air.

Most couples spend the holidays happily eating away at their family dinners, but there is a small subsection of the population that have experienced a very different New Year’s Eve: the people who got dumped on the last night of the year.

While there is a special place in hell reserved for people who dump their partners with barely an hour left on the clock, right now, it just sucks for the dumpee, the unwanted lover: the leftovers of a broken relationship.

1. Your night is as ruined as the Azure Window

Just like Malta’s (now former) most famous geographical landmark, your night now lies at the bottom of an ocean of tears, only to ever be seen by archaeologists looking into the history of this nation.

2. And all your plans are officially cancelled

Thought you were going to see Ziggy? That you were going to dance the night away dressed all fancy and enter the new year in a blaze of sweaty awesomeness?

Forget about it – you are going to be crying. A lot.

3. No amount of alcohol will ever drown your sorrows

While you previously enjoyed a nice simple cocktail, tonight, you are drinking from the bottle. All the bottles.

Till the bottom of the bottle, and then some.

4. And no amount of tissues will stop the torrent of tears

Your sleeve is covered in mucus, your left eyelash is hanging off of your friend’s shoulder, and the space between your nostrils and your upper lip is getting mistaken for the parting of the Red Sea, with Moses as your nose.

5. You no longer want to partake in the countdown

“10, 9, 8, FML…6, 5, 4, I don’t want to be here, 2,  1…”

*starts sobbing as everyone around is hugging and high-fiving*

6. And you’ve forgotten who you really are

What were your dreams? What were your aspirations? They have all retreated behind the fog of feeling unwanted.

You have become Nemo, soul of the ages, transparent and not truly there, a ghost, as well as someone feeling really, really fat and ugly.

7. You try to keep yourself together

Before giving up immediately and just literally sitting down exactly where you were standing, as ungraciously as you feel inside.

8. But you get a sudden fit of rage you’ve never felt before

“Żommuni”

9. Before you realise that you can’t even kill a fly

You are a paid member of Birdlife for a reason.

10. Eventually, you go to sleep, feeling as unprepared as possible for tomorrow’s first-of-the-year family gathering

You are not sure if you will smile confidently and make a joke or break down and cry when your uncle asks where your partner is this year.

Actually, that’s a lie – you’ll be breaking down and crying, most probably silently in the corner.

Tag yourself if you can relate and find your new match in the comments!

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Johnathan Cilia

Johnathan is an award-winning Maltese journalist interested in social justice, politics, minority issues, music and food. Follow him at @supreofficialmt on Instagram, and send him news, food and music stories at [email protected]