Ryan spent the next few months at a rehab centre in Gozo run by the OASI Foundation.

Like other recovering addicts, he was given a timetable that suddenly made his life extremely structured, with slots for everything from waking up, mealtimes, group work, therapy, reading and writing, and going to bed.

And while strict obedience to routine over an elongated period of time might sound frustrating, Ryan explains that this is an essential part of the rehab process to help build self-discipline. 

“It’s to teach you about the small things in life,” he says. “It’s not to make you have lunch at 1pm, because now I can have lunch at 1:30pm if I want to, but about sticking to the promises you make yourself.”

“Imagine I promised myself that I was going to see my therapist at 1pm… saying u ejja is the worst thing you can do because then the smell things will gather and become big things. U ejja, I’m just going to have one drink, u ejja I’m just going to use one time, and then you’re back where you started.”

“Rehab is based on many small things. Even I had said ‘U ejja, what’s the big deal?’ because, for example, you can’t just go to the kitchen and eat something.

“But then if you can’t say no to a piece of cheese now, how will you say no when you’re out of rehab and someone offers you drugs? You have to learn how to say no to small things and it builds up.”

Of course, Ryan was also expected to share intimate moments of his life story and spiral of addiction in front of other recovering addicts, who would then chime in with their opinions about his character and why he ended up this way.

And while this might seem extremely daunting to most people, it is another crucial part of rehab, as recovering addicts use each other as self-referential points to help each other out. 

“The beauty of rehab is that they don’t judge you because most of them did the same as you or worse, so you feel comfortable in those rooms,” Ryan explains.

Ryan now works at the same rehab centre, helping other recovering addicts, and wants to raise more awareness locally on addictions and mental health, something he believes has become more pressing in this fast-paced and competitive world.

His message to people currently in the situation he was in four years ago is not to succumb to loneliness, shame and self-hatred.

“I saw people from all walks of life at OASI, not just people on the street but also people with professional jobs,” he recounts. “Don’t be ashamed, be yourself and seek help before it’s too late because people are dying with addictions.”

“Thank God most rehab centres in Malta are free, which isn’t the case overseas.”

Crucially, he urges them to forgive themselves for what they may have done in the past.

“There are people who did rehab but didn’t forgive themselves, and they then look back and pity themselves for what they lost and all these things. So forgive yourself, say that this is the first day of the rest of my life, and start over. It’s never too late to start over.”

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