Opposition Leader's Wife Calls Out The 'Cruel Exclusion Of My Son From His Best Friend's Party' Due To 'Pathetic Politics'
'You have allowed politics to override your basic maternal instinct'
(15/08/18 - Updated with Nickie Vella De Fremeaux's comments)
Nickie Vella De Fremeaux, the wife of Adrian Delia, the Leader of the Opposition, has lashed out at a mother who allowed "political differences directed" at Dr Delia to lead her to not invite Vella De Fremeaux's son to a party.
"This is about the cruel exclusion of my son from his best friend's party," Vella De Fremeaux told Lovin Malta in reference to her post on social media. "The boys had plotted the plans for the party to a tee and the excitement was tangible - so all that was missing was the SMS or invitation - none of which arrived. I thought it might be misplaced or the kids had just imagined that there was going to be a party - I thought he could possibly have lost it and though I would have ordinarily called the child’s mother I hadn’t spoken to her for uncomfortably long so decided not to."
In an emotional private Facebook status posted at 4am, written almost entirely in caps lock and with myriad angry and sad emojis, she lamented "how pathetic the country has become having degenerated to override one's natural character in the name of pathetic partisan politics or loyalties."
Vella De Fremeaux sees the incident "not as a case of bullying, but refers to the vicious uncontrolled almost evil political mentality of generally decent tertiary educated persons who develop a new persona, not to mention the viciousness we are sadly witnessing even on social media."
The post comes just weeks after the Prime Minister's wife Michelle Muscat condemned her daughters' school for not protecting them from bullying.
(Vella De Fremeaux's post has been edited for spelling and clarity)
"Dedicated to those parents once deemed our friends as were our sons who regularly slept over - but who suddenly due to pathetic politics based on blinkered political ideas which bigotry was categorically directed at my son who is regularly excluded from parties," she said in a private Facebook post.
"I ask all parents, guardians etc to imagine how you would feel if your young son excitedly hopes and waits till the last day for the invitation to be handed over to him in class yet of course no invitation was in the pipeline. Having your son crying and begging you to call the party boy's mother because in his mind the invitation must have got misplaced - after all it was his own best friend who invited him - so not being invited was inconceivable," she said.
She said her friend's sons had run away from her son "to protect him"
"So the day would come and there was no invitation - when at the end of the day the worst feeling of loss not belonging and confusion not to mention betrayal when the children got all secretive but escaped literally fled away from my son leaving him there alone poor boy," she said in her post.
"The reference to secrecy and running away from him referred to a single incident which I see as their attempt to protect him from the disappointment of not going to the party. They simply didn’t want him to hurt not run away to hurt him," she told Lovin Malta.
"When I mentioned that the kids whispered and ran away from my son this is with reference to this same party - possibly they wanted to distract him so that he wouldn’t follow them up the car because they were clearly aware he wasn’t going under any circumstances. The kids are incredibly fantastic, fun true and loyal which they remain till this very day, so I’m certain that they didn’t want to hurt him. They are all good friends and even after this remain so knowing as I said above he was a persona non grata, so it was a defensive action and definitely not intended to hurt him. It was not bullying but protection, an act of true loyalty and friendship," she told Lovin Malta.
And she mentions junk food bribes being used on her son
"Still hoping but reality dawning in on him: That's when bribes of junk food worked miracles so happiness begins to surface until driving out of school with him in a state of confusion, panic, tears, and not belonging being the only uninvited child - whilst all his friends were invited, why wasn't he?" she asked.
"We had the most plausible excuses to distract him when he saw his friends all chuckling with the blessed pre-party chuckles and yells of children whilst he was for no known reason not welcome to the party and was going home," she said in the post.
"I couldn’t allow any further humiliation so I said I had to do something... promises of yes the dreaded junk food and several activities to distract him which soon calmed him though his psyche was in turmoil. His heart broken yet again swing his buddies drive off to the party without him," she told Lovin Malta. "The people who 'bribed' him with junk food were the kids and I as it is forbidden in our house so it would be a true treat which immediately put a big smile on his face."
While she calls out "calculating people" that try and exclude her son, she says her son and his friends enjoy a "true friendship"
"I always wonder with a knot in my throat how evil and calculating people can be, particularly when some of these parents were some of out closest "friends" who despite knowing both the kids and us so well were nonetheless capable of viciously and vindictively (truthfully intending to harm his father in a perverse way) willingly ridiculing, lashing out at his security and humiliating our son, causing him to distance himself from his best friends and feel insecure, crying buckets in total confusion," she said in the post.
"My son was not being excluded or suffered at school - certainly not - he loves San Anton School and has a truly tight group of friends who are more like brothers. There are no hard feelings whatsoever amongst them, even after this incident," she told Lovin Malta. "My son’s friends do not exclude or avoid anyone they are very sensitive and caring so effectively in this case there is absolutely no form of bullying whatsoever but I see it as a true friendship."
Dr Vella De Fremeaux said that her son went from being the "most popular boy in the grade" to an "uninvited/unwanted child"
"After all, nothing could convince him why it was just him, or what is wrong with him for being the only uninvited/unwanted child when he was the most popular boy in the grade."
Praying that this "poem will open your hearts and prick your souls for your shameless and heartbreaking actions", she reminds everyone that the heart of a child is fragile.
"I again ask how can you feel at peace when maliciously and willingly harming and breaking the very soul of a child who spent days with you since our children are true friends?" she asks. " And this because of political differences directed at his father who could easily approach - but certainly not annihilate my son who is a child who doesn't even comprehend why his life has radically changed and also caused its own pressures.
"One's ruthlessness to harm an innocent child who just last year spent says with you as parents or was very close to all your siblings when all that has changed is a political opinion which makes me nauseated that it justifies decent and educated people - mothers - have the guts to harm my child so viciously and convey this dreaded and condemnable hatred onto a child, having no fault or blame rather being a victim of his father's choice," she said.
"Even with the run up of a party that he will never attend only because sickeningly you have allowed the hatred and evil of politics to even override your basic maternal instinct. My heart bleeds for my son primarily because it is such a pathetic unfolding of events that raises my concern of these women's long term effect on him and secondly how pathetic that we have as a nation regressed to the 80's with an electrifying feeling of hatred almost verging on to evil between the supporters of the two major parties is sickening, dangerous, and far from civil. There are a few cases in point," she ended her post, along with crying emojis and the hashtag #StopTheHate.
Here is the rest of Dr Nickie Vella De Fremeaux's Facebook post in full
When a parent or adult even a teacher relates to a child, with anger, disdain or lack of interest, that action can have an effect similar to that of plunging that warm tender heart into an icy bucket of water.
This is what happens, and this is what has happened, and this is the core of why we my children can risk feeling so alone and unloved from time to time right up to adulthood - it's why they seek love so desperately from the other and why sometimes three hate others so much.
They became convinced that they are not loveable and are still desperately seeking love from the other to finally prove themselves wrong, to prove they are loveable.
And all along they overlook their very own natural beauty and kindness and complete lovability. Life is often interpreted that way and it sticks .
These heartbreaks turn into repressed anger and grief and can then rule ones life, turning into uncomfortable feelings which lead oneto the very same sort of behaviour towards others that set the root of the suffering in place.
It's sad, but it's part of this story of life.
But this tragedy can change, that's part of this story too.
Life sometimes reaches out a helping hand just as it all feels too much.
I remember reading a little exercise relating to what I've written above offered by Thich Nhat Hanh.
He asked the participant to become mindful and meditate on the hurt five year old child at the core of the anger. Hold the child in your mind's eye with compassion, tenderness and love, and your closed heart may magically burst open.
He then reminded the participant that we often see the or offensive adult or parent as adults, the ones who hurt us, but we fail to remember that the parent too was once a five year old hurt by the anger or neglect of others.
If we can hold the parent in our mind's eye as the hurt five year old with compassion, tenderness and love then our heart may burst open even further.
The anger and sadness is transformed into compassion and understanding and a totally new relationship takes its place. The energy can be liberated once and for all.
Hopefully life is offering you everything you need just in the right doses and providing the impetuous to take up the helping hand just when its needed.
Peace for now.