As more and more tourists fall so deeply in love with our island they decide to relocate here, Maltese people are starting to feel the pressure. Harsh crimes against our societal norms keep increasing, and it’s time to shine a light on this massive problem.
1. They can’t stop queuing
Hello, can’t they see you’re meant to form an awkward crowd and just push forward?
2. They keep putting condoms on the pharmacy counter without shame
How immoral. You’re supposed to pick up a box without even looking at the stand (ribbed today? Awesome. 3XXL? YOLO), and hide them under packets of Pectol till it’s time to pay.
3. They keep bringing interesting cuisine with them
Have you noticed all the amazing foreign food restaurants popping up all over Malta? How dare they! Do they want to see the end of our delicious ftira? This is some massive conspiracy by the anti-gluten underground movement. #SaveTheGalletti
4. They keep filling out all the karaoke bars
Have you ever gone to a karaoke bar in the North and not seen a British person, six beers in, belting out My Heart Will Go On? We didn’t think so.
5. They don’t understand simple commands in English
Why do they never “move back, please”. It’s all we ask (ish).
6. They think they’re allowed to not like our favourite meals
It’s literally illegal to not like Kinnie, Cisk, pastizzi and the rest. If caught speaking against said foods, you’ll be forced to eat them all together while stepping in time to a traditional marċ. Failure to comply will result in excommunication.
7. They never convince their families to vote for us at Eurovision
With so many foreigners on our lovely island, why are we not drowning in Douze Points? Make some calls, send a text, but get Babushka to vote for Ira Losco. Is it too much to ask?
Thanks to the lovely comments on an older post by foreigners living here, who confessed their heinous crimes on one of our posts.