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CHUCKY’S SHADE: Joseph Muscat Is A Capricorn-Aquarius Cusp Because Obviously Even His Zodiac Is Confusing AF

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Call me psychic, but I suspect a serious number of readers may have clicked on this article to see if I’d finally gone off the deep end by quoting astrology in the title of this piece. As things stand, I have not (officially) lost it, and the realm of the stars remains a firmly scientific one. But we can all admit to being optimistic skeptics when reading about zodiac influences every once in a while.

Optimistic skepticism is the same feeling we had back in 2013 when the island was beyond ready for a governing change to shake things up at a national level but many had to fight down old prejudices that were deeply ingrained in our psyche. But unlike that would-be shift in policies, astrology has a tendency to actually come true.

At this point, if you’re not sold on the idea that sometimes it’s all a little too real to not be real, the Leos Ben Camille, Ira Losco, and Denise Dalton would like a word…

As with most things he touches, reading Joseph Muscat’s birth chart was no simple task.

Firstly because Maltese celebrities and politicians have their birth times locked away tighter than their financial information, and an exact time would help make the reader a little bit more accurate. But that aside, even in its most basic form (aka the ‘sun sign’ – which is the zodiac representation that everyone quotes on their Tinder profile), Joseph Muscat couldn’t settle for just one simple answer, and had to be born a cusp.

He didn’t stop there, by the way – Joseph doubled down and made sure to secure himself the most confusing of all cusps, the always-mysterious Capricorn-Aquarian. People trying to explain this combination have often called it “a destructive combination” while outwardly referring to it as the ‘cusp of mystery’ to avoid freak outs. Look at that, a clever PR cover up – what an unrelated coincidence.

A cusp sign is one that falls close to a change in the zodiac, usually, a few days before and after the shift happens. To those who believe, this results in a blurring of proverbial lines when it comes to the general characteristics of your sign. Muscat blends the stubborn-need-for-home-security of Capricorn with the will to flow of Aquarius, a combination that doesn’t even make sense on paper, let alone in a human.

Think of him as embodying the Aquarian nature of non-conformation when he’s floating about the stage at a mass meeting, and a Capricorn’s granite noggin when he’s calling Simon Busuttil a chicken.

Speaking of the afore-mentioned Leader of the Opposition, Busuttil is also a cusp, but his combo is a little less confusing.

He merges Aries’ passion and overly-quick judgements (hello? 2017 election anyone?) with Pisces’ tendency to make anyone look like they’re about to burst into tears at any given moment. But after its internal reshuffle, the PN has since gone back to keeping things simple with their current leader.

Delia is a Leo by star sign… and by nature. He loves people to see his glossy mane and will make sure to roar if they are not looking.

Now at this point, you may feel the need to pick up your Year 4 science book just to counterbalance everything you’ve read, but rather than pull away from the madness, we’re going to dive a little deeper for one final point. As hinted above there’s more to our birth chart than just the Sun sign, and taking a good look at the interconnectivity of the planets is where the fun really starts.

This piece won’t have the final nine planets slapped on as an addendum, but from all this research, one really interesting thing to note is that Adrian Delia’s Lilith (essentially our dark desires and found way down at the bottom of any chart) is in Cancer, and as the internet will explain (because unlike in a few past assignments I want people to know this was not my own work): “The person faces difficulties in gaining recognition in his/her own country, the walls of his/her own house weight on her head and they face troubles in her home.”

Does my distancing myself make a little more sense now? I don’t need that responsibility precariously hanging over me like it’s our new national bird, the crane.

And with that hanging in the air around us, it’s fair to say that the end (of this piece) is nigh, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see it coming. At this point, I feel it’s important to close by saying that if you’re here on an article about astrology to argue that cusps aren’t a real thing, I encourage you to stand in front of a mirror and really think about how badly Uranus must be in retrograde for you to not see the irony in all this.

Tag someone who needs to know this vital information about Joseph Muscat, Simon Busuttil and Adrian Dlia

READ NEXT: CHUCKY’S SHADE: Malta Should Drop X Factor And Start Filming Love Island Instead

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