9 Stories We Want To See On The New 'Sliema Times'

Yes, it's an actual thing being published

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Earlier today Times of Malta announced that a new publication would be added to the Allied Newspapers brand. Starting soon a free, print copy of The Sliema Times will become a thing. While some cried foul over the discriminatory nature of the niche audience, we thought we'd suggest a few articles we'd like to see.

1. 'BREAKING: Pippa isn't speaking to Bettina... you know?'

Trag. Ic. Talk about the news that shook the town - they had a fight over Tommy and can't seem to find common ground.

2. '16 Places To Grab Brunch For Less Than €100'

Everyone loves a good Sliema bargain.

3. "Remember when I found parking within five minutes back in 1965?"

A nostalgic, human interest story on the person who found easy, hassle-free parking in Sliema.

5. 'How to fit a quadruple-barrelled surname on your kids' copybooks'

A how-to guide for parents having issues fitting Testaferrate de Marco Borg Costansi after Melissa-Anne and Mark David's names.

6. 'The 7 Best Spots To Overspend On A San Pellegrino With A Lemon Wedge'

A comprehensive guide to the hottest spots to see a sliver of the sea between multiple parked cars while sipping extremely expensive water.

7. '25 Maltese Words You Never Knew Existed'

Crazy stuff like 'qmis' and 'qattus' - you're always learning.

8. 'Townhouse Obituaries'

A segment dedicated to all the old buildings being torn down left, right and centre... but described in ways we all understand like:

"Remember where Pippa's Nanna's aunt used to live and there was the shop selling sweets right near her, round the corner up the hill... aha, they're tearing that one down."

9. A specific section of the classified dedicated to helping people find 'a good maid'

All recommendations will start with 'mummy had a really good Filippina ta...'

BONUS: 9 Reasons Why Sliema Is Like Totally The Best Place Ever

Oh wait... we already wrote that one.

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Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.