I Was Hurt By Daphne Caruana Galizia. This Is How I Feel Today.
Over the past few days a massive emptiness has consumed me. I’m overwhelmed by many emotions. Hurt, anger, sadness, contempt, grief, isolation, frustration.
I always felt I was on the right side of this story. I always tried to be bigger than hate and to rise above. But now someone has changed the ending of this story and nothing makes sense anymore.
People have lauded Daphne as the defender of the truth. But what truth was that? I’ve often wondered. What was the truth that Daphne sacrificed her life for? Was it driven by love for her country or by an episode in life that pushed her over the edge? Was it a detailed and ongoing analysis of the political sphere that drove her fight for ‘justice’? Had her truth changed over time? Was she clinging on to something that many of us had managed to move beyond? Did she see something I didn’t?
As emotions run high, I think what we need most right now is reflection.
It’s time to look back at Malta’s contemporary history and understand the diverse sentiments coming from people across social segments and political divides.
What we need is a police force that can solve the case and bring justice to the cowards who did this. We need the rest of civil society to focus on cause and effect, on accepting that we all have our own perspective of the truth, that what I know to be true to me, might not be true to my neighbour.
My truth is that of having lived in fear of Daphne’s pen. Not because I had ever done anything wrong, but because for some reason, what I believed in, embodied everything she seemingly loathed. My truth is about hurt.
“My truth is that of having lived in fear of Daphne’s pen. Not because I had ever done anything wrong, but because for some reason, what I believed in, embodied everything she seemingly loathed. My truth is about hurt.”
Hurt at being lied about, hurt at seeing my parents and loved ones lied about, hurt at the people who blindly believed and liked and shared complete fabrications. Hurt at the people who judged me based on those lies. Hurt at the instability those lies caused, at how they jeopardised my career, my relationships, and my reputation. Hurt at the power her followers gave her, a power that in my experience allowed her to use 1% truth and 99% lies to create a distorted dirty image of me for all to see.
Hurt by people who apologised on her behalf in private, but never had the balls to do so publicly. Hurt at the relationships she’s ruined, and the boundaries I put up to protect myself from the malice and the hate.
Throughout the past years, I had all the reason to hate this woman, but even at my most vulnerable, I tried to be bigger, because I knew that hate breeds hate, and I did not want to be consumed with hate, which is why now more than ever what I plead for is understanding.
Was she a hero in my version of the truth? No.
Did she deserve to die because of that? Of course not.
Should our politicians stand up to be counted, and should justice prevail? Most definitely.
It’s at these times you can’t help but notice that everyone’s hero is someone else’s villain. Whether it’s Daphne, Dom, Joseph, Adrian, Simon or Eddie… it all depends on our own version of the truth.
But it is not up to us to decide who the villains and heroes are. That’s the job of the justice system, a justice system which has been eroding for decades and that is ill-equipped to serve our democratic nation.
“But it is not up to us to decide who the villains and heroes are. That’s the job of the justice system, a justice system which has been eroding for decades and that is ill-equipped to serve our democratic nation.”
In the case of who killed Daphne and who pays for this cowardly act, there is one truth. One, absolute truth that must be determined for justice to prevail. We must find out who killed her and why.
My heart goes out to the Caruana Galizia family and all they have been through and still must go through. Nobody should ever have to grow up in terror and fear, or to see their mother killed in such a cowardly and barbaric way.
Tag a friend who needs to read this.
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