Pictured: Cardi Belt
Cardi B: you can’t fuck with her, even if you wanted to, unfortunately. But you might be able to find solace in the fact that she’s actually Maltese.
That’s not a reference to her ethnicity or family history – that’s just a reference to her aura, her vibe, her je ne sais quoi as it were, which is pretty much a swagged out merill at this point.
Just in case you hadn’t realised it yet, here are seven reasons Cardi B is literally Maltese (even though she actually isn’t).
1. She’s seriously obsessed with politics
Cardi has a big thing for the political system, the President of the USA and the history of the American Office in general.
“I love political science, I love government. I’m obsessed with presidents. I’m obsessed to know how the system works,” she told GQ magazine. And don’t even get her started on Franklin D. Roosevelt and Social Security.
2. And her name follows a great tradition of Maltese musician names
Deborah C, Junior B, Joel C, Tristan B, Alvin Gee, Carl Bee, Stef B, Cardi B. Notice anything?
3. She got pregnant within a few weeks of hooking up with her man…
This is practically the Maltese version of settling down and having kids nowadays.
4. … and gave her daughter a name no-one had ever seen or heard of before
Welkome to the krew, Kulture.
5. Her nails would fit in anywhere in Malta, be it the beach or a fancy restaurant
Nail Me Good, for real tho.
6. And she’d never go hungry for her favourite fast food in Malta
When Cardi B said “you know where I’m at/you know where I be”, she was referring to Chick King.
7. All in all though, she just totally ABŻ
And is there any more purely Maltese attribute?